Don't Hurt Yourself When You Play With Yourself

THE FUN NEVER ends.

It seems that the safest form of sex isn't really safe at all. Which is bad news if you're one of the 150,000 Americans masturbating right now.

Boffins, continuing their mission to spoil our fun, have discovered that masturbation is "linked with an increased risk of prostate cancer when practised frequently by young men in their twenties and thirties." Well, that's me screwed. Testosterone is to blame, apparently, as it feeds postate cancer. Those of us who're flushed with high levels of testosterone have a high sex drive and therefore a higher risk of the cancer. Masturbating just 20 times a month puts you at significant risk of developing prostate cancer in later life. But bizarrely, masturbating later in life has the opposite effect, as boffin Polyxeni Dimitripolou (yes, that is her name) explains: "One theory is that during the early years the prostate gland is more susceptible to hormonal changes and is still developing. As men age and accumulate toxins from the diet or through their lungs , sexual activity may help release them. Studies have found toxins in the semen and the fluid produced in the prostate. As you age it is more important to flush them out." So how come wanking is bad but sexual intercourse ain't, Polly? "For our sample there was no association with intercourse – all the effect was coming from masturbation. But it may have to do with our group of men. With a different group there could be different findings." Hmm. You've got an answer for everything, innit...

Previously: 150,000 Americans Masturbating Right Now!