THE WEEK ACCORDING TO GARÇON STUPIDE

*The story of a porn star and a Christian school. Thank God for America.

*Senegal, where SGL men can't even rest in peace. Imams in the mostly Muslim country have denounced homosexuals.

*Russia, where Eurovision shines a light on human rights abuses suffered by the SGL community. Eurovision: yes, really.

*The Daily Dish wonders if "those of us in the gay movement who backed Obama seem like fools".

*"We see this [homosexuality] as a serious illness in the community that has been spreading rapidly among the youth after it was brought in from the outside by American soldiers. These are not the habits of Iraq or our community and we must eliminate them." So speaks the Iraqi butcher behind the murders of dozens of gay Iraqi men.

*Inbred septic tanks (i.e. yanks: at least, that's what my old man used to call Americans, and in this case the term is wholly appropriate) are amongst Britain's 16 Least Wanted. No, it isn't a new ITV reality gameshow, it's the Home Office list of 16 individuals barred from entering Blighty. The Phelps loonies are on there - but why isn't Jasmine Cunt-ick, er, I mean, Jasmyne Cannick?

*London is Europe's dirtiest city, according to TripAdvisor, and we're the worst dressed locals too, apparently. On the plus side, we rate highly on public parks, nightlife and free attractions. I can think of at least one activity that's free, happens at night in a public park, and can get pretty dirty. But that's just me.

*We like a bit of football player titillation every week. Usually, plastic boy whore Christiano Ronaldo provides the entertainment, but this week it's Nicklas Bendtner, with his jeans around his knees getting thrown out of Boujis nightclub. My night taxi goes past there. I never see anything like this, sadly.

*60% of those Londoners subjected tp random police stop and searches are white. A Met police spokesman said: "No one community is singled-out or targeted, terrorists come from all backgrounds". Yes, because there were plenty of Japanese, Mexicans and Swedes involved in 9/11, 7/7 and almost any other terrorist atrocity you care to mention committed in recent times, weren't there?

*Clash A'Da Tight 1's, a film: "I set out to show the art of hip hop, the rapping, the dancing and graffiti but also the entrepreneurial side," film-maker Teddy Nygh told the Evening Standard. "But I also saw the film as a way of addressing people's misconceptions about hip hop."

*Bad boys. Really, bad boys.

*This game is for children aged 8-10: a street filled with paedophiles and drug-dealers. And it cost us £8 million. Money well spent, then.

*The death of Alexander Mosley: the net result of journalism dictated by dollars?

*Canadian Inuit seal hunters vs. Euro-MPs, with seals somewhere in between. "They don't acknowledge the rights of Inuit to earn a living from selling our products," says Inuit-rights activist Aaju Peter. "This is going to hurt us. We are humans." Not as much as the vile butchery of innocent animals.

*"Dog Food Tastes Just Like Pâté". Gee, I could've told you that, and I haven't tasted either. I don't need to. I haven't ever tasted the end product of consumption of those products, but I know that I wouldn't like it if I did.

*I wonder if Chanel's ever dined on pâté? At 21 (120 in human years, apparently) Chanel's allegedly the world's oldest dog. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...



*The world's second largest shark has a Caribbean hideout. Alright for some, innit.

*A great, big, cone! Yeah.

*How much sugar is in your food? Well, if you're too f**king stupid to read labels, you can visit SugarStacks.com and find out by looking at stacks of sugar cubes pictured next to food products. A Snickers bar has 7.5 cubes of sugar in it. I counted them all by myself, too.

*Look at blue things and you'll be more creative. My favourite colour is red, red is everywhere in my habitat. Maybe that's why I always have writer's block. Alternatively, knock back some hard liquor. I'm halfway through a bottle of Semillon Chardonnay as I write this. The words flow easier; unfortunately, I can't remember how the sentence started.

*Futurists. That's a cool moniker, innit? I should like to be called a futurist. Actual futurists are people with names like Vernor Vinge and, er, Walt Disney. NewScientist looks at five futurists and what they got right.

*WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! Okay, so bird flu was a damp squid, and swine flu hasn't killed us all yet, so, wait for it - "Expert warns of a swine flu-bird flu mix". Is that, like, when the Daleks and Cybermen finally crossed death rays a couple of years back? That was a load of old s**t too.

*A euthanasia activist (blimey, there really is an activist for everything) has staged a suicide workshop in Bournemouth, hosted by Dr. Philip Nitschke. He introduced the audience to his Deliverance Machine, and the Exit bag.

*More men are nipping and tucking, apparently. What, to look like Mickey Rourke? Burt Reynolds? Or, er, Michael Jackson?

*So don't take what you've got for granted. It could all be gone in the time it takes to fire a gun.

*Boffin uses quantum physics to make a case for intervening in our lives. Oh, piss off.

*Dear God, stop brainwashing children: worship is forced on 99 per cent of children. One of the few positive things I can think to say of Australia is that the school system there is irreligious. Religion should have no place in education - so why does it still fester?

*Big Brother has two more years in it. Uh huh.

*Star Trek porn!

*Gay Chat Room Fight!
*Promises, promises: Beyoncé 'considering two-year break'. Well don't wear yourself out love, hell, take four years. Have a nice, long rest. Please.


ISSUE 08

On the cover: Dominique Hollington, by William Lords.

2 comments:

Dusty Boot said...

You and your "we're all going to die" feature. LOL. And the gay chat room fight.... that is something else.

Sanya in España said...

Obama Administration ignoring the HIV travel ban - who knows. Maybe it's on the "to do" list; or is that seriously wishful thinking?

Boosting Creativity - I can identify with seven of those eight ways... I should be shitting fantastic art!

Star trek Porn - I always knew the "special relationship" Kirk and Spock had was something unspoken but known by all. Now I can imagine hot-as Chris Pine getting it on with fit-fit-fitty Zachary Quinto (more of this speculation on my blog)

Gay Chat Room Fight - "I will kill you, you fucking ugly bitch!" I didn't know my landlady had property in the US...

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