The Women

Film

Skool

The Women was released in 1939, the same year as The Wizard of Oz, Gone With The Wind, and, er... World War II. It's hard not to think of those things when watching it.

However, as a veritable tsunami of one liners sweep over you, you'll quickly ignore '39's long shadows, as you try to keep pace with George Cukor's firecracker comedy.

The women of The Women. Norma Shearer is such a drag as devoted wife Mary Haines it's hard not to root for a radiant Joan Crawford's mercenary shop girl, Crystal Allen ("There's a name for you ladies, but it isn't used in high society... outside of a kennel.") Roaslind Russell is a hoot as waspish Mrs. Howard Fowler (the scene between her and her "exercise instructress" is a marvel;

Exercise instructress: Arms flat. Crawl slowly up the wall...

Sylvia Fowler: The way you say that makes me feel like vermin.

Exercise instructress: That shouldn't be much effort. I mean, crawling up the wall.

It's not all dialogue: there's a spectacular fashion show set piece shot in colour, and then there's the fact the entire cast is comprised of women: not a single man appears on screen. But as Mary Cecil's Maggie says, "You can't trust none of 'em no further than I can kick this lemon pie."

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True Romance

Film

Skool

Mad, bad True Romance throbs with manic energy as an eclectic array of maniacs and oddballs lose their minds (and in some cases, parts of their anatomies) in La La Land.

Christian Slater are Patricia Arquette are our... er, heroes. Christopher Walken, Gary Oldman and James Gandolfini are thrillingly monstrous (Gandolfini's scenes, particularly, ooze menace and malice). Brad Pitt is a ton of fun as an unemployed pothead, and Dennis Hopper finds a unique way to needle a Sicilian (don't try this at home).

It's a big, daft heady brew of violence and crackling dialogue that will leave you gasping, "WTF?!" When it's all over, you'll be in need of a lie down in a darkened room - but you won't regret one second of this exhilarating ride.

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The Swimmer

Film

Skool

Director Adam Kalderon dives into the pervasive homophobia in elite sports, with his poignant coming of age tale, The Swimmer.

Erez (Omer Perelman Striks) finds himself under pressure from all sides: parental expectation, competition from his peers, bigoted Russian trainer Dima (Igal Reznik) - and his feelings for teammate Nevo (Asaf Jonas).

Athletic male bodies in tiny speedos glisten under the hot Israeli son, as the pressure on Erez builds. Perelman Striks gives an intense, and occasionally unhinged, performance as a young sportsman coming to terms with his sexuality. Everything culminates with a surreal musical number that put me in mind of Tsai Ming-Liang's The Wayward Cloud.

The Swimmer hasn't been without controversy, with the Melbourne Queer Film Festival accused of pinkwashing ("a term used to describe the action of using LGBTIAQ+ issues in positive ways in order to distract attention from negative actions by an organization, country, or government") and subject to boycotts.   KAOS

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A Simple Plan

Film

Skool

What would you do if you stumbled across a small fortune? Hand it in to the police - or hold on to it, and live with the consequences?

This is the dilemma faced by family man Hank (Bill Paxton), his simpleton brother Jacob (Billy Bob Thornton), and his roughneck friend Lou (Brent Briscoe), in this taught and blackly comic neo-noir crime thriller in which a simple plan rapidly - and spectacularly - unravels.

Directed by Sam Raimi, and based on a book by Scott B. Smith, A Simple Plan is strongly reminiscent of Fargo; all blood in the snow and small-town claustrophobia. Not so much the American dream, as the American nightmare.

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So Dark The Night

Film

Skool

A film noir set in the French countryside, with an avuncular Parisian detective (Steven Geray) in the lead role: sounds too cute for its own good, right? Wrong.

Director Joseph H. Lewis' (The Big Combo, My Name Is Julia Ross) picture starts off seemingly as one thing, before turning on a dime, and revealing a dark - and frightening - underbelly. Initially I was thrown by the seemingly twee tone, creaky script, and jolly score - until the killing started. The twist, when revealed, is startling.

At around seventy minutes in length, So Dark The Night is short and sweet; an average script saved by Lewis' direction.

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Battle of the Bulge

Film

Skool

There are great war movies (The Bridge on the River Kwai, Apocalypse Now, The Great Escape), terrible war movies (Pearl Harbor, Alexander), and there are movies like Battle of the Bulge, which are just... meh.

Directed by Ken Annakin - whose resume includes the likes of Swiss Family Robinson (1960) and The Call of the Wild (1972) - delivers a disappointingly flat depiction of the Ardennes Offensive.

It's nearly three hours long, and feels it. The set piece battles don't make up for long stretches of talking. I can do long stretches of talking. I can watch Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf over and over again, and that's essentially people talking to each other (well, yelling at each other, mostly) for over two hours. 

Ideal, perhaps, for nodding off to on a lazy Sunday afternoon, but otherwise, a stodgy misfire.

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Absolution

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At a Catholic public school, Benjamin Stanfield (Dominic Guard) is tired of being the teacher's pet and decides to play a practical joke on his form master Father Goddard (Richard Burton). In confession, Stanfield tells Goddard that he has accidentally murdered his friend Blakey (Sir Billy Connolly) and buried him in the forest. When Goddard investigates the matter, he finds a buried scarecrow. Goddard is outraged, but, due to the seal of confession, he knows he cannot expel Stanfield. Shortly after, Stanfield once again enters the confession booth, telling Goddard that what before was a practical joke, he has now made happen. In disbelief, Goddard once again goes to the forest to investigate the matter. This time, he discovers Blakey's dead body. The plot soon thickens as Stanfield's fellow student Arthur Dyson (David Bradley) mysteriously disappears.

Richard Burton is an actor I could watch - and listen to - all day long (and never more so than when he appears alongside Elizabeth Taylor). He's extraordinary in the extraordinary Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, Boom! ("Mrs. Goforth!"), and, of course, that opulent behemoth, Cleopatra (the film, not Ms. Taylor). His presence automatically elevates a production (not that Boom! needs further heightening, with Ms. Taylor drunkenly hectoring anyone who comes near - including Noël Coward - from the cliffs of an Italian island).

Sadly, Ms. Taylor isn't present in 1978's Absolution (see was playing a professor of ancient history in Return Engagement, instead), so Anthony Page's (The Wicker Man) thriller is a more sober (and less camp) affair than those earlier Burton/Taylor skirmishes. Instead, we have a young Billy Connolly, an even younger Dominic Guard (who Doctor Who fans will recognise from 1982's Terminus), and David Bradley (Kes).

Absolution had a troubled life, with Burton struggling from at least 1971 to get the picture made. Problems persisted during its production, with the budget slashed, forcing the film to wrap sooner than planned. It was then shelved until 1981 - and didn't see the light of day in the US until 1988. Richard Burton died in 1984.

Despite all of this, Absolution is a hoot, with a robed and dog-collared Burton stalking through dusky woods. Guard and Bradley are excellent in their supporting roles, with Bradley getting the juicier role as a weaselly cripple, and Connolly acquits himself admirably. There's a moment of real gore, and the final twist is as delicious as it is unexpected.

Blonde Animals

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Fallen 90's sitcom star Fabien, on a road trip to Paris, crosses pathes with Yoni, a young, romantic soldier with baggage of his own, along the way.

Blonde Animals is a queer fish.

It's a surreal, whimsical, sort-of road trip movie, with questions about identity, loss, and grief at its core. It's regularly laugh out loud funny, with gags that hinge on memory (or lack of it), a decapitated head, and over-stimulated coprophiliacs (trust me: you really don't want to Google that).

Thomas Scimeca injects warmth and likability into the role of Fabien, stopping Blonde Animals becoming... too much. Things do drag a little towards the end, but perhaps only in light of the frenetic action in the first half.

Mad, madcap, daring and unhinged, Blonde Animals is a film with a lot of heart, and likely unlike anything you'll have seen before.

Darkroom

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Lars, a male nurse from Saarbrücken, moves with his lover Roland to Berlin. They renovate an apartment with the intention of finally living together. Their happiness seems almost complete. What Roland doesn't know: while secretly checking out Berlin's night life, Lars is experimenting with a deadly poison.

Director, author, painter and LGBT-activist Rosa von Praunheim has a resume of some 150 films under his belt, stretching back to 1968, with last year's Darkroom his most recent work.

The film is based on the very real case of Berlin serial killer "Dirk P", who committed a string of murders in spring 2012, information on which is surprisingly scant (I could find only a couple of articles on the case). Viewers will also be reminded of the more recent case of Stephen Port in London.

With a non-linear narrative, Darkroom jumps around, depicting the before, during and after of male nurse Lars' (Bozidar Kocevski) murderous spree.

Whilst parts of the movie work, Darkroom is less than the sum of its pieces. It's the "after" portions - largely courtroom scenes - of the movie that most undermine it. Stagey and faintly comedic, they're in sharp contrast to the dark scenes of murder. They sap energy away from the forward thrust of the narrative; if not handled with a deft hand, courtroom scenes kill drama.

There's problems elsewhere too. The stageyness extends itself to some of the design: one room is constantly redressed to represent different locations, with some seriously ropey green screen used to change the view out of the window. There are numerous ukulele numbers, which some viewers may find distressing.

The cast is good, although Kocevski is somewhat impenetrable as Lars. Bardo Böhlefeld is eyecatching as doomed Bastian.

Darkroom isn't a dud, but compared to the likes of the slick My Friend Dahmer, it's a bit messy, and less than satisfying.

I Am Jonas

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Two moments of Jonas's life intertwine, each reflecting the other: in 1995, when he was a secretive teenager, and 18 years later, as an attractive and impulsive thirty-something looking for balance in his life.

One of the most startling additions to the LGBT film cannon in recent years was last year's brutal, raw and devastating Sauvage, starring Félix Maritaud.

Maritaud - who also appeared in the much-lauded BPM (Beats Per Minute) - is the titular Jonas, in a film that's alternatively known as I Am Jonas (for Netflix), and even Boys (not to be confused with Mischa Kamp's 2014 Dutch feature).

His fragile, vulnerable beauty is used to potent effect in a film about the terrible legacy of adolescent trauma and grief; Maritaud has a face etched with pain, and yet is also strikingly beautiful. He might well be a living, breathing reincarnation of St. Sebastian.

Director Christophe Charrier has executed a beautifully shot film that delivers another twist in the coming-of-age narrative, with a uniformly excellent (and highly attractive) cast, and a well-paced narrative that straddles two timelines. A future classic - and another feather in the cap for Félix Maritaud.

Orpheus' Song

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Two best friends from Berlin win a trip to Greece. On their excursion, they get lost on an island. They wander in the woods until they find an abandoned village where they encounter a mysterious youth, who calls himself Hercules. They spend the night together in a cave and dream a mystical dream. The next day, nothing between the two will be like it was before.

Orpheus' Song is the latest feature from Tor Iben, whose last film was the strange, unsettling (and definitely worth seeing) The Year I Lost My Mind.

I was reminded of Kirk Shannon-Butts' woozy, underrated 2007 gem, Blueprint, which similarly sees two men go walkabout in picturesque countryside. As with Blueprint, Iben successfully takes the viewer on the couple's journey, inviting us into their very intimate dance. The developing undercurrent of sexual tension is intoxicating.

So too is the beauty of the two male leads: Sascha Weingarten, in particular, is mesmerisingly lovely, and the chemistry between him and handsome costar Julien Lickert really sells the fantasy.

Short and sweet (it clocks in at just seventy-two minutes) this is one song you'll want to play, and play again.

Beneath The Skin

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After his family falls apart Joshua is forced to move to Canada to live with his estranged father. It is there he meets Jay, a local tattoo artist. The two becomes closer despite the negativity that surrounds them.

It's rare to come across a movie with virtually no redeeming features. Even the output of that vainglorious hack Rikki Beadle-Blair can boast of a talented young cast buried somewhere beneath layers of cack.

Look, getting a film made isn't easy; writing a negative review is. But our time is precious, and with so much content out there, and LGBT cinema more accessible than ever thanks to streaming, we need to separate wheat from chaff. If I can save just one person from the excruciating ordeal that is Beneath The Skin, then this (reluctant) hatchet job will have been worth it.

Aaron Ellis wrote, directed and stars in the film, which he claims is inspired by his "teen years as a young gay man". Unfortunately, as well as having the charisma of a limp lettuce leaf, Ellis has the acting ability of a soggy cardboard box. His cast are uniformly awful, and saddled with the burden of having to fake Canadian accents (spoiler: no one succeeds, and the results are catastrophically distracting). Ellis has also roped in porn star Hunter Page, who's the least worst thing about this mess, and whose appeal will likely ensnare more unfortunate viewers than would otherwise have stumbled upon this mess.

The convoluted storyline has more holes in it than a colander, with much of the action stemming from porn scenarios: Ellis' character is beaten up in the street by a homophobe, and is rescued by Page, who invites him home to shower. Everyone needs a shower after a gay-bashing, after all. Page then becomes uncontrollably aroused after glimpsing Ellis in the shower, and has to run off to the bathroom to relieve himself.

That sounds like it might be Another Gay Movie-level fun, but this isn't a comedy: Beneath The Skin takes itself deadly seriously. Everything happens at a snail's pace, and labours under a suffocating, repetitious piano score, before reaching the most unlikely of climaxes you're likely to witness.

Along the way, there are mean girl antics, a bizarre subplot with Wayne Virgo (Shank), and a suburban Berkshire house standing in for Nova Scotia apartment building (access via the kitchen door around the back).

Don't let Beneath The Skin get under your skin: watch something better, like QVC. You'll thank me.

From Zero To I Love You

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Meet Pete (Darryl Stephens), a guy in Philadelphia with a history of falling for married men. His father (Richard Lawson), and his soon-to-be stepmother (Leslie Zemeckis), want him to find someone single and settle down. Instead Jack - fifteen years into a "perfect marriage", with two kids in tow - walks into his life...

Noah's Arc graduates Darryl Stephens and Doug Spearman reunite, in front of, and behind the camera, respectively, on Spearman's second run at directing a feature (he also directed the 2013 comedy Hot Guys With Guns).

Stephens hasn't exactly been camera shy since Noah's Arc's premature climax, his resume boasting a swathe of mainstream prime time viewing, and gay series like the sadly passed-over DTLA (he's also been working on a series adaptation of 2006's Boy Culture, recreating his role from that movie).

Frankly, I could watch anything with the apparently ageless, engaging and charming Darryl Stephens in it, so I'll try to get through this review with as little bias as possible. But in truth, Spearman has assembled a talented cast that delights from beginning to end. Stephens has palpable chemistry with his handsome co-star, Scott Bailey. Keili Lefkovitz is effervescent in the potentially thankless role of the down-low guy's wife, and Stephen Bowman is a ton of fun as Stephen's best friend. Veteran Richard Lawson - trivia: his first credited role, in 1971, was "Homosexual", in Dirty Harry. He went on to appear in pretty much everything, including Dynasty (1986) and Angry Boys (2011) - plays Stephen's father, who, in a refreshing twist, is a black father who doesn't have a problem with his gay son.

Good gay rom-coms don't come along very often. From Zero To I Love You manages to be hopelessly romantic, a hoot, and genuinely insightful (the damage wrought by Pete and Jack's affair isn't merely brushed under the carpet). If I have one criticism, it's the occasional reference to race. Stephen's character at one point asks why he and his (white) partner don't have any black friends, and is later criticised by a black hook-up. But these tantalising threads are left dangling, unexplored, as if part of an earlier draft where race may have played a bigger part in the narrative.

Surprising, enchanting, and sexy, From Zero To I Love You is a winner. Doug Spearman: what's next?

Men of Hard Skin

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Teenager Ariel lives a seemingly quiet life with his father and sister on their picturesque farm in a rural part of Buenos Aires. However, unbeknownst to his family, Ariel has been abused for years by Omar, his neighbourhood priest. Having confused his mistreatment for romantic affection, Ariel takes it upon himself to free himself from their relationship and soon embarks on a secret affair with one of the male workers on his father’s property. Meanwhile, as Omar continues to succumb to his urges, he forms a friendship with a much older priest who finds himself wrestling with similar desires.   BFI

In its coverage of issues of ecclesiastical abuse and rural isolation, José Celestino Campusano's film is undoubtedly important, but it's also frustratingly unfocused and meandering.

Ariel (Wall Javier) is an attractive and engaging protagonist - not merely a cowed victim, but full of vim and vigour, even in the face of the grimmest of circumstances. The rural Argentine location is interesting, and there are tantalising strands of story here, but it all feels lost in the mix.

Men of Hard Skin is a fair try, but it lacks the urgency of, say, Socrates. Despite its failings, it's still worth a watch.

This is Not Berlin

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It’s 1986 and as Mexico’s capital goes World Cup-crazy, 17-year-old Carlos spends his days getting into schoolyard brawls and cruising around town with his rowdy pals to the thumping sounds of Judas Priest. But heavy metal guitar riffs soon give way to post-punk synths when Carlos visits subversive new-wave nightclub Azteca and finds himself immersed in a transgressive world of music, art, politics, drugs and sexual fluidity. Finally feeling like he fits in, the blossoming teen begins to forge his own identity and open himself up to a new and exciting world of untold possibilities. BFI

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ow you respond to Hari Sama's This Is Not Berlin will largely depend on your tolerance for '80s New Wave/punk. If that's your thing, you'll love this film. If, like me, it leaves you cold (or worse, running for the hills), large portions of This Is Not Berlin will struggle to hold your attention.

Which is a shame, because there are some interesting ideas here: a twist on the coming-of-age tale, a look at middle-class Mexican life in the mid-1980s, and the AIDS crisis.

I didn't connect with the blank, androgynous Carlos (Xabiani Ponce de Leon), and his oh-so hip sister Rita (whose performances we're subjected to with irritating regularity) grates. His best friend Gera (José Antonio Toledano) is more appealing, but is a little lost in the mix of self-regarding, self-aggrandising artists the boys fall in with.

As a showcase for angsty, '80s avant-gardism, This Is Not Berlin succeeds. Artists possessed of their own importance will probably revel in it.

I didn't.

BFI Flare 2019: Giant Little Ones

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BFI FLARE

L o n d o n  L G B T Q +  F i l m  F e s t i v a l  2 0 1 9

"For popular student Franky, home life is a bit more complicated than it is for most teenagers. Dealing with the repercussions of his father leaving his mother for another man, the breakdown of his seemingly perfect family has left him with a few emotional issues. School, on the other hand, is great. Not only does Franky have a loving girlfriend, he also has the support of his long-time best friend, the ever reliable Ballas. But Franky’s world is about to get turned upside down once again when an unexpected encounter at his 16th birthday party has some fateful consequences." BFI Flare

You'd think this was a genre that's been done to death: in recent years we've had mainstream hits like Love, Simon and Alex Strangelove, and accomplished indie hits like Akron. Can there be anything new to say about photogenic teens on the verge of coming out?

Yes. Giant Little Ones starts out like its older bros, but, thanks to a really smart, satisfying twist (no spoilers here), becomes something else.

Franky (Josh Wiggins) is utterly charming as the genial Franky. An Abercrombie & Fitch-beautiful Darren Mann is his best friend, Ballas. Kyle MacLachlan also stars, as Franky's suddenly gay father, but its the scene-stealing Niamh Wilson who you'll most likely remember, as Franky's unapologetically queer friend, Mouse. There's an outrageously funny scene in which the strap-on wearing lesbian demands some hands on experience of her buddy's equipment. Wiggins and Wilson are hysterical.

Perfectly pitched and cast, Giant Little Ones even has a bittersweet, lump-in-the-throat ending.

A future classic.

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