THERE'S AN INTERESTING story over at Rod 2.0 about the pack of gay stereotypes drafted in as fashion accessories for a straight woman on mainstream shit-flick He's Not That Into You. The Rod story is about gay men appearing as asexual flaming sidekicks to whiny "I wanna find the One I wanna have a baby I wanna have a career" c**ts. And yeah I said the C word again, because those kind of women are. Before I go on, let me make two things perfectly clear: 1). I love fem boys. They're real, they've often got more balls than the rest of us less fem boys, and they're usually better in bed. 2). I'm no misogynist, but I just don't get women. I kind of admire them from a distance. I love women like Kima in The Wire and Shirley in EastEnders, but Beyonce and the cast of Sex and the City make me want to projectile vomit. With that in mind, let's take a sidestep from the crux of the Rod 2.0 article, which is about gay representation. I'd like to talk about the dependency of gay men on (primarily) straight women. I don't have one single female friend, unless you count work colleagues or friends of friends, yet every gay man I know has a dozen or so baby-making machines on speed dial (actually that's not true; my hyper-masculine, ultra-down low Jamaican friend Marvin doesn't). So am I wrong, or are they right? I don't avoid women. I quite like them. When I lived in Manhattan I was slightly in the thrall of a nutty Jewish dance music singer called Mistress Chloe, and I even hugged and kissed Grace Jones (although both those incidents were born out of a desire to get back at my neglectful sugar daddy. And no, Ms. Jones was not impressed). There's even been the odd daydream of a cool female friend, tempered by the realisation that they'll eventually need a Man, and probably a baby, and the fact I really can't be bothered dealing with heterosexual angst. As the kids say, 'low that. I'd rather have the company of my brothers, my kin. And I've heard from jaded queens a million times crying about how all men are dogs, liars, cheats, think only with their dicks et cetera. Well, bitches, think about the company you keep. Moreover, to all you pussyhounds, think about what function you serve in the life of your mistress. Be a man. Don't be defined by a woman. Don't crave fake imitations of heterosexual relations. Don't be the Will in Grace. A woman cannot be a dogg, but a man can be a bitch. Are you a bitch?