MALE, THE BLOG, recently posed the question: Does Colour Matter?Boy, am I sick of this question.
Sick of the issue - but not irked by MALE raising it; it remains a thorny issue in the SGL community, because colour (or racial background) does matter to so many people. Let's get one thing straight first: personal preference isn't up for debate. What you like is what you like. It's okay to "date outside of your race" (to couch it in Americanised race-sensitive terminology) as it is to not date outside of your race. It doesn't make you racist if you're white and only ever date white guys, are strictly black-on-black or just Papi-to-Papi - if the reason for keeping it like-for-like is just personal preference.
The problem arises when people make their choice of fuck buddy or lover a political statement, or bring ignorant stereotypes into the equation. As respected blogger thegayte-keeper says, "I remember a while back I posted a blog entry asking my readers who would they date? I had a black, white and latin man as the option... Suffice to say most didn't want the white man and their reasons were not good (at) all."
That can be applied to any race. Many people chose not to see the beauty in other races, because of their own inherent ignorance - or worse still, because of peer pressure.
As an example, when I frequented BGCLive.com, I would occasionally receive messages from guys along the lines of, "You're fine for a white guy, so what's really good." Often times, those guys stated on their profiles: brothers only, no caucasians.
(As an aside, statements like those most definitely are racist. Fine, so you're only interested in other black guys, but why single out white people for a red flag? If I'm Chinese have I got a chance? How about Pakistanis? Or is the truth that you just want to make it known that you've got a problem with whites?)
There's a lot of talk about down low culture in the SGL community, but this also extends to race. It's fashionable and politically popular amongst certain factions to denigrate white people in general, and interracial couplings in particular. As with all generalisations, this ignores the true diversity in the SGL community - those who are themselves products of mixed race couplings, not to mention everyone who isn't black or white.
Does colour matter? In matters of love and lust, it shouldn't, but it seems lots of us are intent on making it an issue for a long time to come.ELSEWHERE - Does Colour Matter?
PREVIOUSLY - GodFathaNYC Speaks (ka-ostheory Guest Bloggger)
PREVIOUSLY - You Only Count If You're Black: I Got It Wrong
11 comments:
This whole colour thing is so strange for me...I don't get why some of us feel the need to date others look like them?
Well of course there's nothing wrong with dating someone of the same race, that's not an issue, the issue is those who seek to use it as a weapon of hatred.
As Auntie Mame famously said, "The world is a smorgasbord and most poor suckers are starving to death."
I've never been one of those suckers. As for those who'd rather starve, fcuk 'em.
You have a good argument here. To take the politcal issue out of the preferences that people have makes a lot of sense especially if you want to live in a world where everyone is accepted just for being who he or she is.
Well, as I mentioned in my original post...our gay community is quick to place labels and put ourself in boxes. We like to form clicks and clubs to make ourselves feel better. Color is just one of those things "we" use...sadly.
Colour does not matters as long as you coordinate with the right season or place. So, black is great for summer or beach, white for winter or urban settings, yellow for spring and large metropolis, red for autumn and natural scenarios. All the colour in between have to be used with caution and parsimoniously.
My favourite colour, by the way, is blood blue.
Fabulastic - it is apparent that you have a far clearer grasp of the issue than I. It would therefore be necessary for me to delete the entire text of my original entry, and replace it with your own wise words.
Further, ka-os|theory advocates (from here on in) the coordination of colour with season. i'd recommend the black for winter and white for summer though - sorry to disagree.
Please. That ain't new. That's Los Angeles.
I've actually been thinking of tackling the issue of "preference" equating racism for quite some time. Because based on their actions, what many call their "preference" is based totally on a racist perception.
I have often admitted on my blog how at one time I was no into other Black men. I looked at myself and realized that it was the negative stereotypical that I grew up around that sparked that in me, but I needed to realize that all Black men are individuals and don't act like that stereotype just as I don't. So now my "preference" is not limited to non-Blacks like it once was. It's open to all, and I feel if most people did the same work on themselves that I did, there would be no need for this issue to come up.
Yet here we are posting blogs about it, because so many are too lazy to do that work on themselves. If a stubborn ass Aries like myself can do it, anyone can.
I think Tré Xavier has hit the nail on the head. We ALL need to WORK on "preference".
I try to live outside my safety zone on most things, but sometime is takes me a while to unlearn my background. One thing that has helped me explore and expand my "preference" is porn. At least once a week, I try to watch porn with guys that I'm typically not attracted to. Over time I have found my "preferences" have changed.
And while my "preferences" in sexual attraction have changed, culturally I still can't long-term date a guy who only understands only one culture. I even have difficulties making good friends with those who only understand one culture.
Win some. Loses others.
For me colour does not matter. Anyone can adapt it they have the will to fight.
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