KAOS: September 2007

A Map Of Humanity

Back in August we saw the jolly clever Web Trend Map, which showed us how to get from IMDB.com to Myspace via Rapidshare. Well now something even more cleverer-er-er has come along, A Map Of Humanity, if you please.

The different continents (not the real ones) are shown with names like Utopia, Pride, Ignorance, Abandonment, Lies, and Hell. Eros is looking pretty good to me. Where do you see yourself?

The Gays Can't Be Racist? Can they?

Last month we heard how former Savage Garden front man, the Australian who married a woman then decided to come clean and tell everybody he's actually gay, was arrested following an alleged racist attack on a waiter in a restaurant in London. The Australian was subsequently given a caution by police, which I'm sure his victim feels is sufficient punishment.

What's really funny about the whole episode, apart from the strenuous denials from the Hayes camp of any wrongdoing, are the cries of, "He's gay, how could he be racist?" You see, heterosexuals can't quite grasp the fact that gays, white and black, can be just as racist and xenophobic as they are. In fact, mainstream gay culture is founded upon the notion that white is right, and anyone who doesn't look like a manicured Viking is inferior, which dovetails perfectly with Australian racism and xenophobia - so call me cynical for not being surprised to hear of a gay Australian launching a tirade of racist abuse.

So let's all take a positive from this little episode - straight people now realise that gay people can be racist too. Aww, ain't the world a lovely place?

Get Shorty J

I REALLY SHOULD get paid for this, but I don't.

Yes, I'm going to talk about CocoDorm again. Because I happened to "accidentally" stumble into the Cocostore site (ahem) and notice that the next Flava Works release is called Get Shorty J.

As you can imagine, this had me rolling around the floor in fits of laughter for hours at this porntastic adaptation of a cinema classic (apparently, since I've never seen Get Carter).

One thing I certainly have seen a lot of is Shorty J (although not as much as I'd like to). Me, I'm 6'3. But you know, there's truth in the old adage good things come in small packages.

Oh, for the love of Shorty...

This latest release also features another of my CocoDorm favourites, Pimp, the centre of much controversy in the gay media in recent times. One would hope that the release of this footage proves that the model in question is safe and well...

View all SEX articles.

Leave Britney Alone!

Far be it from me to give tedious tabloid celebs further exposure (exposure? on my blog? ha!), but I haven't laughed so hard since Phil did drunk-acting on EastEnders last week. There's nothing like a hysterical, sobbing queen in a high dudgeon over the treatment of their "diva" of the week. The poor boy in the video above, that is, not Phil off of EastEnders...

Oo-er missus, that's a big one!

Big, innit?

Burj Dubai will be the world's tallest building if it's ever completed. Why "if"? Contractor Schmidlin Ltd. Facade Technology has only gone and declared itself bankrupt, hasn't it. What a hoo-ha. So the pile of concrete is now bereft of outside walls for a bit. Awwww.

Who says I don't like fish?

Here's a picture of a fish. Have a good look, because before long it's going to be the only view you'll have of one. Stocks of all fish species across the globe are predicted to collapse completely by 2048. It's a view many experts subscribe to, including Professor Callum Roberts, who launched his book An Unnatural History Of The Seas at the British Association for the Advancement of Science conference in York. The news is worse for Britain - ninety percent of fish will be gone by 2027, and it's all due to over-fishing.

The full story is here.

Ja Rule

Who remembers Ja Rule? The hip-hop "star" who sounds like a dog with a ninety-a-day nicotine habit, and who's cursed with the face of someone whose parents were probably brother and sister. Yes, the one who was pretty big until an even uglier rapper, with bigger muscles, talking even more trash, came along and stole the limelight - 50 Cent.

Anyway, Ja Ruled-out, er, I mean, Ja Rule, offloaded this charming little diatribe in Complex magazine:

"They got my man Doug Morris under fire and sh-t, they got him going down to go speak to Congress about hip-hop lyrics, are you f--king serious? There's a f--king black kid right now about to get 25 years for having a fight with some white kids over hanging the nooses over the white tree, let's get to that. Let's get into sh-t like that, because that's what's tearing up America, not me calling a woman a b--ch or a h-e on my rap songs. And if it is, then we need to go step to Paramount, and f--king MGM, and all of these other motherf--kers that's making all of these movies and we need to go step to MTV and Viacom, and lets talk about all these f--king shows that they have on MTV that is promoting homosexuality, that my kids can't watch this sh-t. Dating shows that's showing two guys or two girls in mid-afternoon. Let's talk about s--t like that! If that's not f--king up America, I don't know what is....There's a lot of issues we can address besides hip-hop, but they want to put everything on us like we're the problem. This is going to be a shameless f--king plug, but I said, 'when everyone wants to point the finger, and ask why there's so much corruption, they only need to look in the mirror.' It starts with themselves."

So Ruled-out's kids can't see dating shows about gays, yet they have to look at and listen to Daddy. I'd start booking therapy for them now.

Maxwell: Now?

Neo soul, as a genre, hasn't achieved much mainstream success (for better or for worse), instead suffering at the bling-encrusted hands of mainstream hip-hop (which really is just vulgar blaxploitation).

There's two artists that have a certain gravitas when it comes to neo soul: Maxwell and D'Angelo. When I say contemporary, it's stretching the definition a little - Maxwell's last album, Now, was released in 2001, whilst D'Angelo last gave us a lil sumthin' sumthin' in 2000 (the truly exquisite Voodoo).

D'Angelo's troubles have been widely publicised (eagerly, given his fall from grace as the chiselled demi-god seen in the video for Untitled (How Does It Feel) to the bloated everyman pee

ring at the camera in police mug shots) and there's been various rumours about the reasons behind Maxwell's lack of productivity.

Whatever the reason for the delay between Now and the long-mooted Black Summers' Nite, the wait should be worth it. Maxwell's magic is unparalleled, a fact readily apparent on the snippet released this weekend on his official myspace page. Go there now to hear it.

In a recent myspace bulletin Maxwell had this to say: "it's been the coolest summer but we got a hot busy little winter planned out for you. hint hint hint!!!"

Perhaps, finally, the time is Now...

Dying Is Easy, Surviving Is Hard

Who's seen cult science-fiction series Survivors, in which 99.9% of the world's population is killed in a global pandemic accidentally released from a laboratory and rapidly spread across the globe by prolific air travel?

It's unrelentingly bleak - pretty much everyone dies, either in the initial holocaust, or later on from starvation, at the hands of other survivors (probably after being raped or tortured), or from the rapid proliferation of diseases we thought had been wiped out, like typhoid et cetera. Oh, and then there's the legions of rats and packs of wild dogs running rampant in the cities...

One of the reasons for Survivors success was that the picture it painted was grimly realistic. Now the World Health Organisation (WHO) is warning in its annual report that just such a scenario is possible, precisely because of the heavy use of air travel. It warns that an epidemic in any part of the world is just a few hours away from threatening somewhere else.

The report says, "It would be extremely naive and complacent to assume that there will not be another disease like AIDS, Ebola, or Sars sooner or later."

So stock up on the bottled water and canned food - if Survivors is anything to go by, dying might be the easy option.

The House Next Door: Latest Episode

The City of Miami's Code Enforcement Board has ruled that Flava Works is illegally running an adult entertainment business out of a home zoned for residential use. The decision comes after the silly hoo-ha earlier this year, here, in which NBC exposed the location of the CocoDorm in a tabloid news item.

CocoDorm published this statement on their website: "With the Code Enforcement Board's ruling, starting today, the city will fine us up to $500 per day for each day we remain open. We are filing an emergency motion in federal court to block the city's ruling citing VOYEUR DORM v CITY OF TAMPA and sue the City of Miami.

Miami is wasting tax dollars to prosecute the legal CocoDorm residence, while drug dealers and prostitutes reign free on the streets of this neighborhood, which is known for it's infamous 'hoe stroll', but we suppose NBC and the city don't care about real problems.

Customers do not visit the CocoDorm location and neighbors didn't know about CocoDorm (until NBC knocked on their door after they received an anonymous packet mailed by a competitor). What happens inside of CocoDorm is no different than what happens behind the closed door of any other house; people live, interact and have sex. This is our and your First Amendment right, and we will fight for these rights.

By the way, no one from the neighborhood was present at any of the three hearings. In fact we have a petition of neighbors in support of CocoDorm!

We will not close the CocoDorm!"

Hear hear!