Arguments are to be avoided: they are always vulgar and often convincing

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There's been a media shitstorm this week over The Great British Bake Off (hosted by Mel Giedroyc and Sue Perkins, the standup equivalent of the colour beige) leaving the BBC for Channel 4. I haven't watched "GBBO" before; it's a cloyingly smug confection for the sort of people who cycle to quirky coffee shops, and shop at Waitrose. People who worry about things like house prices, The Best Schools, and what channel "GBBO" is on. It doesn't matter what channel its on. What these people don't realise is that the BBC doesn't exist anymore - it hasn't been the BBC for years. Television Centre is now luxury flats. The bought-in content the BBC transmits might just as well be on Channel 4, or 5, or Netflix, because the BBC doesn't actually make most of its shows. They're made by independent production companies, like the money-grabbing Love Productions, who blighted us with GBBO, and the chatter surrounding it, in the first place.

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I've seen the poster for Theo & Hugo on the Tube over the past few of weeks. It's the second time this year I've seen a poster advertising a gay film out there in the mainstream world. The other one was for Departure, another Peccadillo Pictures feature. I saw both films at this year's BFI Flare, and they were hands down the worst of all the films I saw. But whereas Departure is a rich kid's vanity project, filmed at a chum's luxury French chateau, boosted by establishment chums at the BFI, and now regurgitated by well-to-do chums at Peccadillo, Theo & Hugo is merely interminable (despite an extended orgy sequence that's about as sexy as a mud wrestling match between Donald Trump and Ted Cruz.)

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Jaden and Willow Smith's latest photoshoot is a bit weird, innit? Talk about incestuous. I wouldn't mind if it was Will and Jaden (and let's face it, it's not like they haven't French-kissed in public before).

I know, I'm going to hell.

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