The Parodical

The Parodical

news you won't read anywhere else

Youths on a beach stare in horror
at a billboard showing the cover.

A

ttitude - the gay lifestyle magazine - has apologised for the shock inclusion of a black model in its Sex Issue cover shoot.

"We have tested and trusted procedures in place to ensure this doesn't happen, but it's sadly inevitable that occasional breaches will occur," a spokesman for the magazine told the Daily Mail newspaper.

African-American model Eddie Diaz appears in the extended version of the cover, but Attitude bosses say they managed to limit the damage and keep him off the cover. Diaz himself admits, "I just hoped that by crouching down on the floor I'd slip under the radar. I really didn't want to cause any trouble, and apologise unreservedly for any offense I've caused."

Sagat and Diaz allegedly came to
blows over whose trainers were best.

We asked Attitude for a response to Diaz's comment, but a spokesman replied, "No one in the office speaks ebonics.

"Nor does anyone in the gay community want to see these sorts of people in our magazines. Gays want to read about Kylie and Lady Gaga, not rap music."

It's not the first time Attitude has run into trouble for breaking the rules universally adhered to by the gay media. In June, out singer Kele Okereke appeared on the magazine's cover, sparking outrage.

These boys told us: "We only ever
read Gardeners' World Magazine."

"He's about as queer as Bill Clinton," one reader complained. "Now they're trying to pass themselves off as gay just to get on the front of our magazines. That cover rightfully belonged to Jake Shears."

Prominent African-American bloggers have blasted Diaz's inclusion. "This is a return to slavery," lesbian separatist Jasmyne Cannick protested. "The white gay establishment have their magazines, and we have ours. Let Diaz appear in Clik or Flavalife.

"No good can come from the races mixing."

The Forestry Commission says it will "plant more trees than ever before" next year.

*This news item is fictitious.