THE WEEK ACCORDING TO GARÇON STUPIDE

*Inside the world of gay underground boxing.

*Half of college football players say they have a gay teammate.

*"A high school student from Minnesota, US, was harassed by two teachers who believed he was gay, according to the state's Department of Human Rights." The teachers, Diane Cleveland and Walter Filson, "made derogatory remarks about the boy's perceived sexual orientation in class and allowed other students to make similar comments." Neither teacher has been dismissed.

*This campaign (right) by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network has been launched to address the ignorance exhibited by people like Cleveland and Filson. But the campaign, Think B4 You Speak, has been criticised by the... er, gaming community.

*Are you ready for a really depressing story? This man (left) was left partially paralyzed following a brutal gay-bashing. He's since written to his attacker apologising for provoking the attack, and asking for his assistance in "finding a female who I can marry and have my sperm washed and have children..." Oh, and he's found God too, which explains a lot: "I feel myself that I must try to live by the Bible, I must try to live by God’s law." Good luck with that.

*The US military has confirmed no evidence has been found of US soldiers committing atrocities against gay Iraqi civilians; the story was met with widespread criticism when it broke last month. Ali Hili, of the London-based Iraqi LGBT group, told PinkNews.co.uk he did not believe the story.

*"Once, I was hog tied to a chair, rolled across the base, and left in a dog kennel with feces. I was forced to simulate sex acts, on camera, to armed service members with trained attack dogs in the room. Men with hoses sprayed me down in full uniform." Joseph Christopher Rocha (left) talks about his time in the US navy.

*The solution to gay cruising in parks? Set the dogs on them! "With a little instruction, dogs could be taught to severely dislike the gay lovers in Burruss and Wildwood and bite them in the fanny and do what City Council should have done years ago - chase them off to Atlanta where they belong..."

*Those crazy Americans! As you'll all be aware, they're getting their knickers in a twist about President Obama's health care plan, and dragged our beloved NHS into it. Now, some bible nuts are warning that Obama's plans will lead to a gay takeover of the health care system! OMG! They say: "Your tax-dollars will pay for preferential hiring of homosexual hospital administrators, who distribute $50,000 grants to gender-confused activists for unneeded elective surgery to mutilate their own genitals, (and force Christian doctors to perform it.)"

*Pack your gaydar away with your VCR and answering machine. It ain't no good anymore: "Gay men are butcher than they used to be, and straight men aren't as inclined to butch it up as much."

*What straight men can learn from gay porn.

*If you're averse to misogyny, look away now, because here comes another vomit-inducing article from some smug bint for whom gay men are merely fashion accessories. "They revere Madonna as a demigod," she says. Oh f**k off. In between applying Vagisil, you've yapped about what Gay Boyfriends do for you - but of what possible use is a straight woman to me?

*The story of the Wanganui Incident.

*What's happening in Malta?

*"The IDF [Israeli Defence Forces] assigns soldiers to posts based on military needs and the soldiers' personal abilities, not based on their sexual orientation or their gender. Any statement to the contrary represents personal opinion and not official IDF policy." The Rabbi ain't happy about gay soldiers being featured in the amry magazine.

*Gay rights campaigners in Zimbabwe are hopeful that the country's new constitution will grant them protection.

*Swine flu hysteria puts a dampener on Mumbai gay pride.

*The long uphill battle faced by our brothers and sisters in Asia.

*Hate on the pitch: "While great inroads have been made against racism in football, authorities turn a blind eye to homophobia, says lesbian and gay charity Stonewall."

*Serbian football clubs have a change of heart on gay-hate graffiti in Belgrade.

*"This is going to be the first male strip club in Tennessee. We cater to anybody who wants to come see men dance naked." That would be me then. Can I get directions?

*OMG! American could run out of sugar!

*And Cuba is running out of toilet paper!

*Mass redundancy (right), Singapore style.

*And the Japanese railway worker who needed an excuse for being late for work. Naughty. Still...

*Don't mug your boss off on Facebook (left). When you've added him as a friend.

*The California Institution for Men currently holds 5,877 prisoners. The facility was designed to hold 2,976. California's prisons are in crisis.

*The little boy in a big suit, talking to the big man.

*I thought Americans were all for freedom of speech? I guess this is the exception to the rule...

*As mentioned above, the NHS has been dragged into a row over Barack Obama's health care reforms. This has led to a lot of Americans criticising the free British health care system. The Department of Health has launched a point-by-point rebuttal of misconceptions about the NHS circulating in the US – each followed with the words: "Not true." All I'll say is this: if I'm admitted to hospital with, say, a prolapsed rectum, I don't want the first words I hear to be: "How would you like to pay, Visa or Mastercard?"

*The devastating effects of the new colonialists: rich nations are buying up the natural resources of developing countries that can ill afford to sell. Countries with large populations such as China, South Korea and even India are acquiring swathes of African farmland to produce food for export.

*You may remember last week's top story about male rape in Congo. This week, US Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton demanded an end to the rampant sexual violence in the war-torn country.

*In Somalia, an Islamic sect is pulling out gold teeth with pincers.

*The plastic soup of waste (right) that's twice the size of the United States, and stretches from Hawaii to Japan. And it's getting bigger.

*Still, not to worry, because it's the end of the world, in four month's time. According to UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon.

*The wildebeest river is running dry.

*Alton Towers - the theme park - has banned Speedos and other types of tight swimming trunks on grounds of taste. That might be a good idea. The people who ought to wear them never do, and those who do, shouldn't.

*Britain's laziness epidemic.

*Oh dear, how sad... The UK Border Agency has banned an American white supremacist from entering the UK. The Home Office said, "The Government opposes extremism in all its forms and we will prevent those who want to spread extremism, hatred and violent messages in our communities from coming to our country."

*Meanwhile, wealthy footballer Jermain Defoe is suing the police, claiming he and other footballers are regularly pulled over when driving because they're black. Defoe had been disqualified from driving following a conviction for speeding. All I'll say is this: my boyfriend is young, quite dark-skinned and has, alternatively, dreads/braided hair. In nine years, he's never been stopped by police in London, and he drives an awful lot. Oh, and here's a photo of Defoe with another random white girl on his arm. He's paid £60,000 a week. Case closed.

*Remember the shopgirl who Abercrombie & Fitch hid away in a stock room because of her prosthetic arm? She's won her case for wrongful dismissal.

*The family of 19-year-old stab victim Carl Beatson Asiedu talk about the "irreparable damage" caused by his death.

*Bgay.com looks at Soho, London's gay village.

*Maria Cox has photographed 264 London Underground staff (or one from each station) for her project, The Face Behind The Station.

*The London Underground shower curtain. I want one.

*Facebook lite, like Twitter.

*Google caffeine.

*The Top 100 Search Terms Queried by Kids. Number 4 on the list is sex, number 6 is porn. Fred is number 9...

*Renewed plans to pay-per-email.

*Microsoft banned from selling Word in the US.

*Digitally "iron out" photos blighted by rips and creases.

*The car that gave communism a bad name: the Trabant is put-putting back.

*Night light (right).

*Punching through the ring (no laughing at the back). What's happening on Saturn? (And you thought I was going to say Uranus.)

*This is a giant, meat-eating plant: the giant pitcher (Nepenthes attenboroughii) from the central Philippines can catch rats.

*Boffins have created a lab rat with no functioning immune system.

*350 new species have been discovered in the Himalayas in the last decade.

*The Tasman booby lives!

*The calf with two heads!

*Elephant in a hole!

*Dog on a train!

*Giant wall of fish.

*Alcohol is to blame for the number of 40-somethings developing cancers of the mouth, tongue, lip and throat, which has increased by a quarter in the past decade.

*The gel that could be used as a vaginal condom. Not much good to me, but pass it on.

*"The impassioned, no-nonsense strategies that once defined... HIV prevention efforts were superseded by a lumbering, bureaucratic, performance management-led approach which responds more quickly and efficiently to the market forces created by the needs of rising numbers of HIV-infected people." Gay health charities have some tough questions to answer.

*People handle anger differently when they're lying on their backs. Okay then...

*How much sleep you need depends on your genes.

*"A belly is a male privilege of long standing... a symbol of prosperity in most cultures and of freedom from anxieties about body image." Apparently, it's hip to be round.

*Brown fat: it makes you thin.

*Britain's first eyelash transplant.

*Men with asymmetric faces more likely to get dementia.

*"East Asian people struggle to recognise facial expressions that western Caucasians attribute to fear and disgust. By focusing on eyes and brows, Asians miss subtle cues conveyed via the mouth." Why facial expression aren't universal.

*Swine flu: what the experts are doing to prepare their families.

*George, George, George, why do you do it to yourself? Blimey, what's she like...

*Michael Jackson's death has generated $80 million in marketing, merchandising and film deals.

*Popjustice talks to sexy big lad Marvin (right) from JLS, and wonder if he was worried that they'd be called shirt lifters for, er... lifting their shirts.

*The Dragon's Den drinking game.

*Charlie and Rodrigo have a(nother) lover's tiff.

*On a happier note, Rodrigo meets the Queen. Ouch! How could Big Brother be so cruel?

*A former contestant on the Russian version of Big Brother is suing after allegations that he is gay and worked as a prostitute.

*What happens when Muslim boy meets boy? Faith and desire meet in EastEnders.

*Former Queer As Folk star Anthony Cotton, currently appearing as Sean Tully in ITV's Coronation Street, has "encouraged the show's producers to introduce more gay characters." He says, "The story goes that one people in ten is gay. We've got 70 people in [Coronation Street] so there should be seven gay characters at least."

*This Tuesday saw the taping of the last ever episode of Guiding Light, which has been cancelled after 72 years on air.

*No politics, we're doctors. Ironic really, given the current hoo-ha.

*Rona Munro, who wrote Survival, the last episode of the original run of Doctor Who in 1989, has criticised romantic elements of the current run: "This is my chance to say it. I don't think the Doctor should have fallen in love with anybody. I think that's wrong. I don't think there should be any snogging or any sexual tension because he's a time lord, and his companion is but a mortal." She thinks it's lazy. And so do I. You go girl.

*Is True Blood the new Twin Peaks?

*"As much male nudity as female nudity..." WOOF! Spartacus: Blood and Sand debuts next year, and will feature multiple male same-sex relationships.

*What sort of people do you think will respond to this request? They won't make us proud, I promise you that.

*Baby Stewie is gay!

*No bullying of Walter the Softie in a new BBC version of Dennis the Menace.

*Rappers declined gay role in Fox's Lie to Me. "Agents were concerned about even bringing the proposal to their clients for fear of a, you know, 'Are you crazy?' backlash. It was very, very disappointing."

*Butt Blog premiere In Their Room, a web documentary series which explores "the similarities and differences in one niche demographic, 'linking people together through their shared artifacts and interests.' " Video.

*"For whatever reason, brothers just are not successful in porn right now, and I'm looking for the right person to collaborate on this project and future porn projects and endeavors." Andre Bolla is serving life for "killing my buddy while fucked up on some dope."

*Protect Me From What I Want (right); trailer.

*50 small film companies have collapsed in the past 18 months.

*Noel Clarke, of Metrosexuality/Doctor Who/Kidulthood, talks to the Independent. "I... take the tube or walk. I'm not into flash cars and all that; I don't feel I need to compensate for anything." Now that's the kind of man I admire.

*Naked young people in caves. It's art, innit.

*If you're in New York, pop long to a free reading of Accidentally, Like a Martyr, a new play about six generations of gay men gathering at a Manhattan watering hole. The reading is at 7:30 PM at The Wild Project, 195 East 3rd Street, between Avenues A and B.

*Potatoes in Chicago's Jackson Tunnel (right).

*Music Cage.

*Level Green (right), by Berlin architects J Mayer H.

*Rio de Janeiro's governor Sérgio Cabral announced yesterday that New York architectural firm Diller Scofidio + Renfro (who were responsible for the High Line) have won the bid for the design of the new Museum of Image & Sound in Copacabana. You might remember that this (left) was my favourite design. Smugness doesn't become me, so I won't harp on about it.

*Microsoft Internet Explorer has encountered a prostate and needs to close. We are sorry for the inconvenience:

(Sanya in España wonders if he's a Powerbook bottom...)

*The Virgin Mary, like you've never seen her...

*Carpet (right).

*Remember last week's story about the shirtless Tennessee Volunteers? They've got nothing on Georgia Tech (below)! WOOF!

Issue 22 of The Week According To Garçon Stupide was built from articles collated during the week 9-15 August 2009.

On the cover: Zack Clark, by Greg Vaughan.

POSTSCRIPT
"You know, we might just as well not have bothered to come. The whole thing's been ridiculous."