IT'S INVASION DAY TODAY!

SO TODAY'S Australia Day. That annual event when, wherever you are in the world, Aussie patriotism spills onto the streets in a blur of green and yellow.

It's a celebration of the arrival, in 1788, of the First Fleet -and white colonisation. It's a celebration of Australian values - respect for the freedom and dignity of the individual, a spirit of egalitarianism that embraces mutual respect, tolerance, fair play, compassion for those in need and pursuit of the public good. Oh, and equal opportunity for individuals, regardless of their race, religion or ethnic background.

The trouble is, none of that really rings true. Click Australia on the labels menu, What's Inside? and you'll see that I'm no fan of Oz. From the age of 11, I spent eleven years there, and those eleven years were the most miserable in my life. The problem isn't so much Australia itself, of course. It's Australians. Not all of them. Some of them can be quite pleasant - civilised, even. But the majority are rabidly xenophobic, and brandish a huge chip on their collective shoulder. They hate the British, yet the Queen is still their head of state, and they continue to flock back to the motherland like salmon swimming upstream to spawn. My experience of Australians in London - of whom, frustratingly, there are many - is even worse. Today, they prowled the capital in packs, often accompanied by their equally unpleasant white South African mates (I can see the attraction), waving their flags, tanking up on beer and behaving exactly like football hooligans whose team's just lost. And that's just the women.

In sharp contrast, February 1st marks the Chinese New Year celebrations, which will be colourful, exciting and inclusive. Crowds will gather both to watch and to participate. For the rest of us, the only participation on Australia day is trying to avoid stepping in pools of Aussie vomit in the street.

Why do Australians and (white) South Africans seek each other out like long lost relations when they're overseas? It doesn't take a genius to figure out - they're both lacking in culture and history, and what history they do have is ugly, the keynotes being macho redneck posturing, genocide and racism. The difference is, South Africa made a big PR booboo with apartheid. Australia successfully marketed itself - and its own population through careful indoctrination from kindergarten level - as the land of freedom, tolerance and fair play, with a big, fake, painted smile. Maybe it aspires to those values, maybe some people really do believe it. But I never felt it. I couldn't breathe. I was stifled, psychologically and emotionally. My individuality suffocated, robbed of oxygen by the barren urban wasteland, the crippling heat, and people who treated you like an alien as soon as you opened your mouth and spoke with an accent different to theirs. Thank God I wasn't a different colour too - just look where that got the Indigenous Australians. They're not entirely in favour of Australia Day, the Indigenous population of Australia. Not surprising really, given the appalling poverty many endure - as well as the legacy of genocide, enforced separation from their children, and other atrocities. At the time of white settlement, there were thought to be between 300,000-750,000 Indigenous Australians. In 2001, that figure stood at 458,520 (or 2.4% of Australia's total population). Most "Aussies" never even see any Indigenous Australians. So today's Australia Day. It's nothing to celebrate. It's something to mourn. Just ask the few Aboriginals who are left - if you can find them.

Elsewhere: White Australia, Anti-Chinese Racism And Climate Genocide

Elsewhere: White Britain in Pacific: Apartheid in Australia again!

Elsewhere: Is Australia A Racist Nation Against Minorities? Twenty Percent Decline In South Asian Students Studying In Australia Due To Racism & Violence!!!

This article was originally published on 25th January 2009.