The Parodical

The Parodical

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P

rime Minister David Cameron has announced plans to disband Government.

Citizen arrests could rise.

A far-reaching report, authored by the Conservative favourite Think Tank, advised the move was a "tough, but necessary" cost-cutting measure. But work essential to the operation of the state will continue, with departments like health and education outsourced to top Tory donors in the business community.

In a keynote speech to the Commons, Deputy Leader Nick Clegg said, "Look, I'm terribly sorry about this, but Labour left us in an impossible situation, and the only option left is to sell off the Government. It's a hard decision, but necessary, and we're sorry. What the public want - and this is the message we keep on receiving  from Sun readers - is no Government. So I'm sorry, but that's exactly what we're going to do. Yes, David and I went to Eton, and we're both sorry for that, but we simply can't afford to go on like this. Sorry."

These youths welcomed the disbandment of Government.
"I prefer blonds," 18-year-old Miguel told us.

David Cameron has been forced to defend a scheme - exposed in leaked national infrastructure plans - to close all prisons and courts.

"What Sun readers are telling us, time and again," Prime Minister David Cameron told the News of the World, "is that the nanny state has become an all-encompassing brute. Not in those words - obviously, Sun readers didn't go to Eton as Nick and I did - but the keynote point is this: Sun readers want no Government interference in law and order. The most obvious answer, given the economic crisis we inherited from Labour, are a series of kangaroo courts, in the High Street, in retail parks, on street corners. It's my Big Society at work. We're making the decisions Labour simply wouldn't."

The Prime Minister added that he wanted to see a fresh, innovative approach to elections, with Sun newspaper readers voting by text.

Margaret Thatcher is 53.

*This news item is fictitious.