Not Single Anymore

The CD single is in terminal decline, thanks to digital downloads. High street retailer Woolworths - who sell more CD singles than any other retailer - have announced that they'll be clearing their shelves of the shiny round things in plastic cases (and sometimes irritating card sleeves).

At the height of the format's popularity 78 million singles were sold in Great Britain. That was 1999. In 2007, only 8 million singles sold and this year it's down by a third on 2007 figures. Woolworths stress that sales of CD albums are "alive and well".

But it isn't all the consumer's fault. When I started buying music in 1995, singles were more often than not loaded with anything from three to nine tracks (and sometimes more). Now, with dance music these were usually remixes of variable quality, but in the case of R&B and pop, a single often came with a handful of other tracks, often not found on the album itself - particularly in the UK. But in the last five years or so, CD singles have had little extra to offer, more often than not offering up a paltry two or three tracks for half the price of a full album. Record companies and retailers must think we're mugs.

The DVD single didn't catch on.

It's a sad day for music - a physical product replaced by a stream of nerdy bytes. No more cool cover art, rare B-sides, remixes, multiple collector versions, rummaging in second hand stores... Just a bleak, joyless future of mouse clicks, saved files, software crashing - music reduced to data.

Just don't come crying to me when your computer loses everything you've got in the blink of an eye.

Solider Boy Tell 'Em

The news is awash with stories of injustice being perpetrated against gays, like Gambian President Yahya Jammeh announcing that any gays caught in Gambia will have their heads lopped off, or the Christian registrar in London who's refused to perform same-sex civil partnerships and is taking Islington council to court.

Here at the ka-os blog we like our daily dose of injustice to come with a pretty face, so today, boys and girls, we're going to focus on the case of former Lance Corporal Chris Kenna, who claims the army booted him out after his wife outed him (hell hath no fury and all that...)

“Being gay has made no difference to my effectiveness as a soldier. When I completed the SAS course I was the proudest guy alive. To pull on the beret means you are the best part of the finest fighting force in the world,” our sexy soldier told the News of the World.

Army sources have denied pushing him out, claiming he wasn't suitable for "that line of work" - despite two years in the SAS with tours of Iraq under is belt (and a lot more besides, I bet).

“We can confirm that a Royal Signals soldier asked to leave the Army and was subsequently discharged,” say the MoD. “The Armed Forces regard sexual orientation as a private-life matter. The Armed Forces operates a policy of zero tolerance of harassment or discrimination.”

C4 Rapped For Orgy Poster

The Advertising Standards Agency has rapped Channel 4 over the knuckles for a poster advertising its drama Skins.

The ASA said: "We considered that the image, showing characters from the programme embracing in varying states of undress, implied that an orgy was taking place. We concluded that the poster could cause serious or widespread offence to those who saw it and was unsuitable to be used in a medium where it could be seen by children."

The regulator rejected complaints that the poster depicted underage sex. Channel 4's defense was that the characters depicted in the poster were all over eighteen.

That's good then, and not at all a case of a major corporation selling the concept of kiddie sex to the masses in order to flog its wares.

The solution? Advertising gurus + firing squad = a better society.

Not The Only Gay In The (African) Village

Every now and then, the producers of EastEnders or Coronation Street decide to provoke some controversy (and boost the ratings) by throwing a gay kiss into the mix. It's almost always between two middle class white men (rather than confuse the audience they like to keep things simple - a black gay would be too much for Mrs Smith of Sussex).

Things are a bit different in South Africa. The soap Rhythm City has provoked some controversy with a kiss between the characters Stone (Zenzo Ngqobe) and Thula (Wright Ngubeni), whose mother has been struck down with HIV. Thula is selling his body to a married man; his best friend Stone finds out and confronts him, then plants a sexy kiss on Thula.

Well, it all sounds pretty good to me. Actor Zenzo Ngqobe, who appeared in the film Tsotsi , had this to say: “Personally, I think it wasn’t too graphic. In their subtle way, the producers did their bit to open a window for the audience to what homosexuality is about. Most fans were happy with that scene.”

Right, let's go and look at some more piccaninnies.

London has a new mayor, and he's both racist and homophobic. Here's some of the well-documented comments our new mayor, Boris Johnson, has made in the past:

"Right, let's go and look at some more piccaninnies." The Observer, 2003. Remark made to Unicef workers and their black driver in Uganda.

"It is said that the Queen has come to love the Commonwealth, partly because it supplies her with regular cheering crowds of flag-waving piccaninnies." Daily Telegraph, 2002.

"I'm down with the ethnics. You can't out-ethnic me." BBC Asian Network, 2008.

"Gay marriage can only ever be a ludicrous parody of the real thing." Daily Telegraph, 2005.

"The clerics gave us [journalists] a wigging for being so mean to the Church of England ... Why did we draw attention to tricky subjects like homosexuality, aka the Pulpit Poofs issue?" The Spectator, 2000.

"I will add Papua New Guinea to my global itinerary of apology." After suggesting the country was known for "chief-killing and cannibalism".

London, hang your head in shame. You make me sick.

When Black Music Ain't Black

The British media snubs black artists: that's the gospel according to singer Estelle, and she's preaching to the converted, as far as I'm concerned. The list is long: Justin Timberlake, Joss Stone, Amy Winehouse, Robin Thicke - artists who are given huge media coverage simply because they're white artists doing soul. Now don't get me wrong - although I don't like white soul artists myself, I don't see why white artists shouldn't rap or sing soul, in principle. It isn't a case of black artists should stick to hip-hop and white artists to heavy metal. But there's a problem when amazing artists are overlooked because Justin Timberfake is stealing the limelight from, say, Nathan. As Estelle says,

"I'm not mad... but I'm wondering - how the hell is there not a single black person in the press singing soul? Adele ain't soul. She sounds like she heard some Aretha records once, and she's got a deeper voice - that don't mean she's soul. That don't mean nothing to me in the grand scheme of my life as a black person. As a songwriter, I get what they do. As a black person, I'm like: you're telling me this is my music? F*** that! They keep trying to tell me in the media what soul music is and I'm like, we know what soul music is, stop f***ing around with us! You're taking the p*** out of every black person in the country! And then they say, 'Oh, don't bring race into it.' We're not stupid, stop it."

There's dozens of talented could-have-beens littering the British music scene: Shaun Escoffery, Lynden David Hall, David McAlmont, Kevin Mark Trail (right), Beverly Knight, Tunde Baiyewu, Ephraim Lewis, Omar, Damage, Nine Yards... and the question remains: why would anyone want to waste a second on Justin Timberfake when you can have the real thing?

3 Teenagers Who Died Before They Lived

Two weeks ago, I wrote about the mounting death toll amongst teenage boys in London this year. At that time, eight young lives had been snuffed out. Since then, another three boys have been shot or stabbed to death.

A senior Metropolitan police officer had this to say: "There's no single thing that will stop 11 [murders] becoming 12. If you get to that age and you haven't got empathy with other human beings, then no amount of draconian policing will stop you becoming a violent offender. All murders have a signal event beforehand, be it a punch-up, act of [so-called] disrespect or a robbery, then it escalates and weapons are used."

The question of how to stop the killings seems to have eclipsed the issue of why. I doubt the kids know themselves.

9. Nicholas Clarke, 19, shot on 15/03/08

10. Amro Elbadawi, 14, stabbed 27/03/08

11. Devoe Roach, 17, stabbed 27/01/08

Does The DL Chronicles Feed The Machine?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Dalek Porn

Hmm, what could this be, I wonder?

The fourth series of the revived Doctor Who is to air on BBC One from Saturday 5th April 2008. See the full trailer here.

Screencaps courtesy of Doctor Who Online.

150,000 Americans Masturbating Right Now!

Here at the ka-os blog, it isn't all doom, destruction, devastation and despair - we like a laugh too. And who better to provide it than the Christian right? Our friend The Official Queen of Shade supplies the giggles today, with this story on "the REAL number one public health problem in America today: masturbation." Bet you never guessed, huh, kids. Put your hands where I can see them now, and read on...

Masturbation This page is dedicated to exposing the REAL Number One Public Health Problem in America today: Masturbation. If you have come here looking for Jokes or Humor about Masturbation, then you have come to the wrong place! But if you have come to be Educated on the Straight Facts about the EVILS of Masturbation, then Welcome! The Problem Masturbation is more dangerous than smoking. Doctors of a generation ago knew this, but since the Sexual Revolution of the 1960's, this fact has been lost in the "if it feels good, do it" mentality. Myth Masturbation is harmless. Reality Christianity proves that chronic Masturbation causes weakness, depression, forgetfulness and nearsightedness. Myth There are bigger problems than Masturbation, like drugs and AIDS. Reality Experts estimate that there are at least 150,000 Americans masturbating RIGHT NOW! Masturbation costs American businesses at least $3.14 billion in lost productivity every month! Myth Masturbation is not immoral. Reality Read your Bible. God was so offended when Onan spilled his seed upon the ground that God struck Onan dead! It is true that Onan wasn't Masturbating, but the point is that God hates it when men waste sperm, no matter what the reason. Myth Masturbation is a "Victimless Crime." Reality Theological experts on Masturbation have come to the conclusion that Masturbation is what is known as a "gateway" sin. This means that Masturbation leads to more serious offenses. In fact, practically all rapists, Sodomites, child molesters and pornography addicts started out as Masturbators. Myth Americans value their "Freedom" and will never stand for Masturbation being outlawed. Reality Oral and anal sex are already illegal in several States, and people like it that way! Masturbatory devices are already illegal in Texas, and the Police in San Antonio and Austin have aggressively enforced this law, even going as far as to torture clerks that worked in stores that sold indecently-shaped soap and candles, and there has been no public outcry. Myth But everyone's doing it! Reality Surveys have repeatedly shown that up to 5% of Americans don't Masturbate. The Solution How to stop the current epidemic of Self-Abuse in America? We need the same tactics and the same kind of get-tough attitude that has been so successful in the War On Drugs! Control of Paraphernalia Drug abuse has been slashed by the outlawing of drug accessories such as syringes and marijuana pipes. If we are to get tough on Masturbation, we must eliminate Masturbatory paraphernalia. This means outlawing such things as: *Personal vibrators and other Masturbatory devices such as dildos and blow-up dolls. *All candles, no matter what their shape, must be banned. *All indecent art. This includes paintings, sculptures and photographs. We don't need the Victoria's Secret catalog! Simple, modest underwear would sell itself and minimize unGodly temptations. *Certain food. If we outlaw dildos and require that all sausages, cucumbers and carrots be sold pre-sliced, we will make it much easier for the women among us to resist the temptation to Masturbate. Intensive Urine Testing Christians have discovered that men produce sperm cells constantly. All that sperm has to go somewhere! If an unmarried man doesn't masturbate, all the sperm cells he produces end up in his urine. It would be very simple to require unmarried men to submit frequent urine samples, which could then be examined under a microscope. If an unmarried man has a low concentration of sperm cells in his urine, it means he has been having orgasms one way or another! Therefore he is guilty of either Masturbation or Fornication and should be imprisoned! Random urine testing in the War On Drugs has been a very powerful weapon! We should not hesitate to harness it for use in the War On Masturbation! Zero Tolerance! Zero Tolerance has been a rallying cry in the War On Drugs, and is a policy that should be enacted immediately in the War On Masturbation! Any amount of Masturbation is too much! Any person caught touching his or her genitals without a solid, medically-approved reason should be imprisoned in a boot camp. We will teach our children that God did not give us genitals for entertainment. Property Seizure Many police departments will seize the cars and homes of people who are caught with drugs. Americans For Purity has called for the homes and cars of people who are caught Masturbating to be taken away without due process and auctioned off, with the money going to anti-Masturbation law enforcement. Surgery Certain supposedly "primitive" tribes in Africa have completely eliminated Masturbation among their women! How was this amazing feat accomplished? Through a very simple operation called a Clitoridectomy, which is analogous to circumcision in the male. (Clitoridectomy has gotten a bad reputation in the West, but only because in Africa it is often done with crude instruments, without anesthesia, and under unsanitary conditions. When it is mandated in America it will, of course, be done in a sterile, modern operating room with anesthesia.) A woman who has had a Clitoridectomy is permanently cured of Masturbation and other lascivious behavior, but the Godless bureaucrats in Washington, D.C. have had the audacity to OUTLAW this operation! One of the main goals of Americans For Purity is to not only repeal the laws against Clitoridectomy, but to make it mandatory for female children (who will never miss the part that is removed if it is done early enough). And surgery isn't just for Females! Many have suggested Castration or Clitoridectomy for adult Males or Females that are repeat Masturbatory offenders. Chemotherapy In the last few years, Doctors have begun to use a class of drugs known as Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs such as Prozac and Celexa) to combat the Depression that accompanies Chronic Masturbation. The primary Therapeutic benefit of SSRIs is achieved by enhancing the action of Serotonergic neurons in the Raphe Nucleus of the midbrain that inhibit the Orgasm reflex. A patient who takes an SSRI is cured of Masturbation because he or she finds that it takes an hour of intensive effort to achieve a disappointingly anti-climactic Orgasm. After the patient gives up on Masturbating, his or her Depression improves dramatically. Officials are studying a plan to routinely add SSRIs to soft drinks and school meals.