I wouldn't normally do this kind of thing

A cut-out-and-keep guide

to porn you need to know

T

he sex biz is littered with couples, boys who play together on-screen and off. It's a gimmick that sells, because porn is voyeurism, and what's more voyeuristic than having a ringside seat to the lovemaking of lovers?

Porn works best when there's a real spark between performers, and it sucks when it's just a mechanical affair with a pay cheque at the end. That spark is guaranteed when the performers aren't performing.

Argentinians Daniel Marvin and Pedro Andreas (right) are one of the best known Real Couples™, by virtue of being both stunningly beautiful, and staggeringly versatile stallions in the bedroom. They never disappoint - up until they split, anyway.

Freshly minted beaus Roman Heart and Benjamin Bradley have launched their own site (the new must-have accessory for newly coupled erotic manikins?), just like Francesco D’Macho and Damien Crosse, who married last year. Brent Everett and Steve Pena also recently married.

And let's not forget Milo and Elijah Peters, Bel Ami's infamous identical twins, who have been extraordinarily candid in discussing their undying physical (and romantic) devotion to one another.

My all time favourite Real Couple™, however, is Jovonnie and City Boy. Both are cute performers: City Boy seems to be a pretty smart cookie (he dishes out some smart answers to the creep behind the camera on a BlacksOnBoys shoot) and Jovonnie is one of the biggest and brightest stars today, a genuine sex machine who sometimes seems in awe of his own dick. And well he might - it's one of the prettiest tools in the biz!

In today's module, we're going to focus on the couple's scene in Fire In The Hole 3 from Bacchus. It's an absoulute gem, not just for the red hot sex, but the comedic preamble.

Our two sleeping beauties are awakened by Jovonnie's excitable third limb (which, as we all know, has a mind of its own). After ten minutes of delicious foreplay, the time comes for little Jovonnie's morning trip to downtown City Boy - but there's no condoms!

"You ain't got no more?" Jovonnie asks, hoping, perhaps, that City Boy will pluck some out of thin air. But City Boy's having none of it.

"No, you were supposed to go pick some up last night," he remonstrates, deciding, perhaps, that it's time to make Jovonnie work for the booty.

"I'm tryin' fuck bro," Jovonnie pleads, much like an 8-year-old with his heart set on that huge fire engine in the toy shop. Jovonnie, you see, wants what he wants.

"I want some too," City Boy admits, "but that was the last condom." That'll show him! Damn - have I gotta do everything around here?

Jovonnie thinks about this for a minute. "Let's do it anyway then!"

"Uh-uh."

"Why not bro, you're clean ain't you?" Jovonnie can do reasoning - he's not just a big dick!

"Yeah..." City Boy plays along.

"I mean we've been together damn near a month now. C'mon dawg..."

Oh no he didn't! "Three weeks?" City Boy exclaims, and then, realising that math might not be Jovonnie's strong suit, points out, "Ain't a month."

"C'mon bro..." Jovonnie gives up on the whole reasoning malarkey - maybe some good old-fashioned begging will work.

"Nah..." City Boy's having none of it. "Hey!" He wriggles under Jovonnie, who's stabbing him with that big old thing. "Nah... You shoulda got some last night like I said. You knew that was our last one." Any more of this and Jovonnie will be on the naughty step. Didn't he tell him? Huh?

"No I didn't!" Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, you see. "C'mon bro lemme do it. I ain't gonna nut in you bro I swear." Can't be more reasonable than that, can I?

"No I want to do it though, I want to do it for real. I dunno..." Hmm... That big ole thang does feel good pushing up on me. And Jovonnie's just too damn cute when he's all horny and begging and horny..

"I ain't gonna nut in you bro. C'mon..."

"It ain't about you nuttin' in me." Was I the only one in the safe sex class?

"Well what's it about then?" Jovonnie's at a loss. He's just tryin' to fuck! Then he has a brainwave (something of a miracle - that's usually City Boy's department)... "Lemme fuck between your legs then."

City Boy thinks for a moment. "Aiight, I can do that."

Jovonnie wastes no time in reaching for the lube, making everything nice'n'wet. But City Boy sees that look in his eyes, and gives him his Look. "In between my legs, nothin' else," he warns, pointedly. Give him an inch and he'll take a mile.

"Wet that shit up..." Jovonnie purrs, watching City Boy lube up his inner thighs. And then it's on! But wait - Jovonnie doesn't seem to be able to keep to his side of the deal. That big ole thang seems to be going off course. The valleys, not the tunnel, the valleys, we said!

"Hey! Hey! Stop playin'!" City Boy protests, in his best 'I'm in charge' tone of voice.

"C'mon bro..." Jovonnie moans, pushing it. "C'mon bro..." Just a few more thrusts... See how good that feels?

"Just the head," City Boy relents. Maybe that'll keep him happy. But... OUCH! "Hey! Stop playin'." Damn, didn't I just say, 'Just the head'?

"C'mon bro, lemme stick the head in," Jovonnie pleads, and he's already halfway there. With City Boy already impaled, what's a guy to do?

"Just..." City Boy breaks off mid-sentence as Jovonnie pushes all the way inside. There's not much talking for the next few minutes, and when it's all over, City Boy exclaims, "What happened?!"

Jovonnie happened, that's what.

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