THE KAOS THEORY

Reasons to be alive

2012-01-27T15:03:00.000Z

"Freedom. The day I finally grasped the startling concept that no one could make ever me do anything I do not want to do; that every decision in my life - even under threat or torture - is always ultimately mine; all the suffering, fearful walls around and within me began to melt, leaving me ready to deal with each challenge and choice as what and who I truly am and always will be until my last conscious breath: A free man."

Rikki Beadle-Blair

About Rikki Beadle-Blair

Born and raised in South London before migrating

to the mean streets of Primrose Hill - dedicated

to a life of creativity & inspiration, truth & miracles.

Rikki is the ultimate romantic - in love with every one,

every thing and every breath of life.

Join Team Angelica...

On Facebook

On YouTube

On Twitter

Reasons To Be Alive is syndicated on ka-os|theory by kind permission of Rikki Beadle-Blair/Team Angelica.

Have a problem with interracial dating? Take a look in the mirror

2012-01-27T03:02:00.002Z

Have you ever noticed that people who have a problem with "interracial dating" are just plain fugly? Here's today's top tip, kids: hot boys want hot boys, regardless of their race, and if you look like Shrek, you'd better lower your expectations, and stop blaming that hot white boy for getting his claws into the hot brotha you can't have.

Zeric Seymor-Armenteros

Oh oh - here we go again. A black guy has come out and said that he prefers white guys to "people in the African American community."

In this case it's a model called Zeric, interviewed on vlog Pillow Talk. Cue a tsunami of apoplectic outrage from The Righteous Brothas (you know - those self-appointed righteous guardians of black manhood, who think it's their job to police who fucks who) on blogs and vlogs all over the World Wide Web. Because, you know, this is America, and The Righteous Brothas don't believe in personal preference. Despite interracial marriage being legal in all US states since 1967, some people still can't break out of the "stick with your own kind" mentality. A Brotha's gots to be with a Brotha, and if he isn't, you can bet The Brothas (or that high priestess of hate, Jill Scott) will have something to say about it.

Remember when American news anchor Don Lemon came out? Shortly after that, the news that his boyfriend was white shocked and appalled certain quarters of the black gay community. Read, if you dare, the comments sections of blogs like Rod 2.0 and Living Out Loud with Darian, where you'll discover a tiny, narrow-minded world of race-baiting haterade.

Here's a simple truth: guys who have a problem with interracial relationships are, more often than not, fugly trolls past their use-by date.

Here's an another simple truth: The single most valuable commodity in the gay world is sex appeal, and that overrides race. If you're an ugly troll - say, the revolting love child of Kanye West and Cee Lo Green - you're just going to hate the fact that that hot white boy has got the hot black boy you can't have - and never will have. Because the sad fact is, even if that hot black guy was into the brothas, he still wouldn't want you, Shrek. He'd want Tyson Beckford. As Zeric says, "I love my black boys" - just not those pearl-clutching queens who sit in judgement on others.

This fact is bourne out by Zeric's haters. Lord ha' mercy, these queens are f**kin' ugly. Face it kids, righteous ain't pretty. That's why the world of blogs and forums is heaven for the racial separatist - the kids who look like the odious queens in the I Hate Zeric video, look like that.

One of the video's contributors says of Zeric, "Models should be seen and not heard." Oh, the irony!

They don't really hate Don Lemon's boyfriend, or the hot white boys Zeric is hookin' up with. What they hate is the ugly reflection in the mirror, and the fact that Zeric and Don just don't want them.

#110

2012-01-26T04:20:00.000Z

a news compendium

with a gay bias
WEEKLY | Issue 110 | January 2012 | FREE | be.told.

OPENING SHOTS

< Baltimore Ravens star Brendon Ayanbadejo flexes for the NoH8 Campaign.

||||| Sexual racism, or "It's just a preference"?

||||| Why gay parents may be the best parents. (Maybe because there isn't a handful of stories in the press every week about them shooting/stabbing their kids when the marriage goes wrong?)

> Why this married couple of 22 years - with four children - is facing deportation from the USA. Watch a CNN video report here.

US & CANADA NEWS

||||| "Bishop" Eddie Long is back in the pulpit. Lock up your sons!

< North Carolina pastor Patrick Wooden: Gay men "have to wear a diaper or a butt plug just to be able to contain their bowels". Charming.

||||| George Clooney on GBLT equality: (It's) "the last leg of the civil rights movement."

||||| Seventy-eight mayors announce support for gay marriage - was your mayor one of them?

||||| Jumping beyond the broom. "Why black gay and transgender Americans need more than marriage equality."

> Queer Rising activists arrested at protest in front of New York Governor Andrew Cuomo's Manhattan office. The group told Towleroad, "Every night in New York City, approximately 3,800 youth are without stable shelter, but the state and city only provide funding for fewer than 200 beds for these youth."

||||| Student newspaper calls for death to gays.

||||| Bullying widespread in U.S. elementary schools. "Study finds teachers unprepared to deal with gender expression and children from gay families."

< Indiana youth group launches gay pride plate.

||||| Bradley Manning: How his fate will be decided.

||||| Openly gay White House Social Secretary Jeremy Bernard named one of the 50 Most Powerful People in Washington.

>Mike Tidmus, the GBLT activist and blogger, is dead. He was 60.

< Twinkie maker Hostess Brands files for bankruptcy.

UK NEWS

< Victory as Islamic extremists are found guilty of hate crimes; Ihjaz Ali, Kabir Ahmed and Razwan Javed distributed leaflets calling for gay people to be killed. The Criminal Justice and Immigration Act 2008 makes it an offence to stir up hatred on the grounds of sexual orientation.

||||| Now for the bad news: Sharia law is being used increasingly by UK Muslims.

||||| The Conservative party shows its true colours as MPs threaten gay marriage rebellion. Readers may remember Conservative leader David Cameron's cringe worthy interview on gay equality.

> Teachers need more equality training, Schools Out campaign declares.

||||| The joys of automated announcements. "This is an emergency. We will shortly be making an emergency landing on water," isn't one of them.

||||| Gay ~~journalist~~ plagiarist Johann Hari at least has the decency not to go back to The Independent following his suspension.

EUROPE NEWS

< Costa Concordia disaster: From space, no one can hear you scream.

||||| Costa Concordia disaster: In pictures.

||||| Costa Concordia disaster: Low key reaction from the Italian government.

> Costa Concordia disaster: Texan gay couple Blake Miller and Steve Garcia describe their ordeal. Video report.

||||| Costa Concordia disaster: Footage emerges of Costa Concordia staff telling passengers to return to their rooms as the ship sinks.

||||| Costa Concordia disaster: Five survivors recount their frantic escape.

||||| Costa Concordia disaster: Searchers blast holes to access shipwreck.

||||| Costa Concordia disaster: More bodies found in submerged restaurant.

< Costa Concordia disaster: Brother of waiter clings to hope he will be found alive.

||||| Costa Concordia disaster: A tragedy with a dozen nationalities.

> Costa Concordia disaster: Underwater.

||||| Costa Concordia disaster: Rescue diver video shows inside capsized cruise ship.

< Costa Concordia disaster: What next for the ship?

||||| Costa Concordia disaster: Marine paradise threatened.

||||| SWEDEN: EU demands Sweden lift forcible sterilization of transgender people...

...And 21-year-old transgender man Georg Elfvelin puts a face to Sweden's shame.

||||| NETHERLANDS: Amsterdam's Chief rabbi suspended for anti-gay statement.

< RUSSIA: Activists arrested in Moscow's Red Square; Russian authorities want to ban public acts that "promote homosexuality".

> RUSSIA: Orthodox Christians - in this picture, soldiers - celebrate Epiphany by jumping into freezing water, on 19th January 2012.

AFRICA NEWS

||||| UGANDA: 'Kill the gays' bill dead, Ugandan ambassador to the US claims.

||||| ZIMBABWE: Constitutional draft excludes language protecting gay rights.

SOUTHERN ASIA NEWS

||||| INDIA: Police interrupt Mumbai Pride fundraiser...

...But organisers promise Mumbai Pride - which kicked off on Saturday - will be bolder than ever.

< INDIA: Man versus bull.

||||| INDIA: In Meghalaya, women rule, and men are suffragettes.

ASIA-PACIFIC NEWS

||||| TAIWAN: Election blow for GBLT equality. "The defeat of Tsai Ing-wen diminishes hope for more LGBT rights in Taiwan."

||||| AUSTRALIA: Mother jailed for raping daughter as part of "bizarre sex education".

> INDONESIA: Concrete balls versus train surfers.

< SOUTH KOREA: Five people are dead following an oil tanker explosion in waters north of Jawol Island.

BODY & MIND

> This woman is drinking a lethal barbiturate that will end her life; Oregon's Death with Dignity Act permits euthanasia.

||||| The tyranny of unwelcome noise. "Honking horns. Household appliances that beep. Other people's music. Should we turn down the volume, or get better at concentrating in a noisy world, asks historian Lisa Jardine."

||||| Trouble sleeping? Schizophrenia's gonna get ya.

||||| Drink too much? Hop on the wagon for two days a week and give your liver a fighting chance.

< Locker rooms: Nudity rules or cover up? "Why do some guys and girls hide under a towel and others let it all hang out in the changing rooms?"

||||| Breaking news! Poppers (taken by 96% of gay men) cause AIDS! OMG!

> Gay teen Sam Barton: "I'm a Botox addict and only 19."

||||| What is it like to be asexual?

||||| Justin from Justin's HIV Blog on HIV criminalisation:

THE PLANET

||||| Dolphins and whales engage in rare interspecies play; video.

||||| Star dogs!

||||| Light pollution: Is there a solution?

WEB & GADGETS

||||| SOPA: Why the Internet went black.

||||| SOPA: Let's talk about the benefits of illegal downloading.

< Megaupload file-sharing site shut down by US prosecutors - hackers retaliate.

||||| Hacker targets Australian Grindr; reveals users' pseudonyms and passwords.

> Global brainwasher Apple is now worth more than Greece. Still, the bigger they are...

||||| Gay Star News - a new "global gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender news and entertainment site" - has officially launched...

...Whilst another goes dark. UK Gay News has provided comprehensive coverage of GBLT issues around the globe over the past 10 years, and has been an invaluable resource in compiling the weekly ka-os|theory news compendium.

||||| Headphones are a threat to your life. Listen up!

< The collapse of Kodak: "Kodak was in my blood".

||||| The collapse of Kodak: Top photographer recalls Kodak's fading moment.

||||| Autofocus and the importance of "defocusing". "The human eye's ability to focus is a complex function even advanced cameras struggle to replicate. Not for much longer..."

PRINT & VISUAL

> DC Comics launches six new titles to replace cancellations and unveils new logo.

||||| Or maybe Class Comics The Long Road To The Sea is more your cup of tea?

< Rikki Beadle-Blair talks about his new book, What I Learned Today. You can read excerpts here at ka-os|theory.

||||| Literary Mixtape: Dancer from the Dance, an imaginary disco set.

||||| A supercut of libraries in film and television.

STAGE

||||| Gay marriage play 8 will be staged all over the US this year.

> Bruise, a play by John Maguire, opens 24th February in Liverpool, and puts gay domestic violence under the microscope.

< Expecting To Fly opens on 2nd March in Los Angeles; in it, "two men look back on their time together, (and) try to come to terms with what they lost."

||||| Jon Marans play The Temperamentals examines 1950s gay life.

> Review: Sleeping With Straight Men. "Benefiting from slick direction and blink-and-you'll-miss-them scene changes, Sleeping With Straight Men is more John Waters than The Laramie Project, but beneath Larsen's big and brassy characters lies a sharp swipe at the dark exploitative heart of daytime TV."

CINEMA

||||| The Dorian Awards - the annual ceremony held by the Gay and Lesbian Entertainment Critics Association - names Weekend both best film of the year and best LGBT film of the year. We Were Here was both documentary and LGBT documentary of the year.

||||| The Iris gay film festival announces opening of 2012 competition.

< Rikki Beadle-Blair's Bashment, and ballroom drama Leave It On The Floor are two of the films to have screened over the weekend at the Charm City LGBT Film Festival in Baltimore.

> Brandon Routh goes shirtless in the trailer for new film Crooked Arrows.

||||| Movie characters sing Lionel Richie's Hello. Brilliant.

< Remember AI, The Sixth Sense child star Haley Joel Osment? He's all grown up...

||||| Daniel Radcliffe defends casting as poet Allen Ginsberg.

||||| Julia Roberts, Alec Baldwin cast in film adaptation of The Normal Heart.

> Review: J. Edgar. "Soppy sexual politics have overridden real politics in J. Edgar. Hoover was one of the darkest figures in US history but Eastwood and his scriptwriter have forgiven all in a hazy resignation to old age coming to everyone and love being what matters."

TV

< Contestant removed after Big Brother Brazil rape claim.

||||| Michael K Williams - Omar from The Wire - is an American for Marriage Equality.

> When stars collide: Neil Patrick Harris describes his love story.

< Ouch. Mad Men's season 5 poster looks like...

> Ryan Phillipe joins Damages.

||||| Network DVD announce the forthcoming release of the breathtaking, brilliant documentary series The Story of Film: An Odyssey. Unmissable for anyone who loves film or art.

< Jenny Tomasin, the actress, is dead. She was 75. Tomasin played the role of Tasambeker in the 1985 Doctor Who story Revelation of the Daleks.

MUSIC

> JLS release big weepy Proud for annual Sport Relief fundraiser.

< Justin Bieber hits the Toronto Gay Pride Parade with his Mummy.

||||| None of the Jonas brothers are gay. NONE OF 'EM! Got it?

||||| Oh God. Jedward are to perform for Barack Obama. Let's hope it isn't anything like this...

||||| The best lowdown on David Furnish's Madonna rant you'll read. Make sure you don't have anything in your mouth, or you'll choke reading it.

||||| Troubled HMV - the last major music and DVD retailer on the high street - has secured some breathing space from the banks. As The Guardian points out: "A collapse of HMV could be more financially damaging for film companies and record labels than for the group's shareholders."

> Etta James, the musician, is dead. She was 73.

||||| Etta James, obituary.

||||| Etta James, in pictures.

THE SEX BIZ

< There's just something about a hot boy in glasses...

> Planes, trains and double-decker buses: Race Cooper's European adventure!

||||| Erik Rhodes has also been let loose on Europe. Queer Me Now wants to know: Is he a modern day gay version of Pretty Woman?

< "It was romantic, it really was. We had anonymous strangers abusing us, but we were having an intimate moment." Porn couple Samuel Colt and Chris Porter discuss having sex with another couple at Folsom Street Fair.

||||| Whatever happened to Steve Hammond?

||||| OMG! Did Anthony Romero and Austin Wilde break up?

> Boyfriends Trey Turner and Jessie Colter team up for Manhandled.

||||| Brady Jensen and Dario Dolce team up for Bel Ami. Sigh.

< Michael Lucas covers The Fight magazine, talks GLAAD, Seed Money.

> Arpad Miklos puts on a Freddy Kruger mask, strips, for gay indie music promo.

< OMG! Kris Evans and Mick Lovell on horseback!

SPORT

||||| Theo Zwanziger, the Head of German Football Association, has called on gay football stars to come out.

||||| Footballer apologises for "tongue in cheek" homophobic tweet.

> Britain's Gay Footballers - "a new documentary will tackle the issue of homosexuality in British football and the reasons why no players have come out since Justin Fashanu" - is to screen on BBC Three next week.

||||| Rainbows worn at Australian Open in protest against Margaret Court.

||||| Billie Jean King still respects her Margaret Court despite her former rival's anti-gay views.

||||| London boy Louis Smith takes gold at the gymnastics Olympic test event in his hometown, talks about haircuts, religion and growing up, and goes shirtless in new clip for sponsor Lucozade:

< Can't get enough Smith? Here's Louis Smith's guide to the pommel horse, Louis Smith's guide to the parallel bars, and Louis Smith's guide to the rings. (Sorry guys - these clips are only available to UK users. Try YouTube.)

||||| And the London 2012 gymnastics Olympic test event, in pictures.

||||| The Dream Team gets dreamier, as Blake Griffin looks set to strip to his jockstrap in the Olympic locker room.

PARTING SHOTS

> ButtWrap: Buy underwear, save the world.

< Casting Calvin Klein.

< The male models of Milan get a load to the face. Just don't swallow, boys...

||||| Why do we get sentimental over shops of old?

> Sumatrakontor, by Dutch architect Erick van Egeraat, in Hamburg.

< Greenland Group Suzhou Center, by American architects Skidmore, Owings & Merrill, for Wuijang, China.

> Sunwell Muse, by Takato Tamagami, in Tokyo.

||||| And finally, the Horror Portfolio, and President Obama wants to see Betty White's long form birth certificate...

Issue 110: 15-21 January 2012

Cover photo courtesy of Sitron Studio.

Read the last edition.

Remember what was going on this time a year ago? No? How about a reminder? Read Issue 84.

Visit us on Facebook.

ka-os|theory is not responsible for the content of external websites.

Bad romance

2012-01-23T17:28:00.000Z

review

Boys On Film: Bad Romance

I'm a big fan of Peccadillo Pictures' Boys On Film series, each release crammed as it is with more hits than misses, but with the seventh volume, Bad Romance, the scales have almost tipped unfavourably towards the negative.

Do we really need another (albeit cute, sexy) coming of age tale? Cappuccino (director Tamer Ruggli) ticks all the boxes, but its depiction of a gay teen with a crush on his straight classmate is one we've seen countless times before. What's new? Where's the twist? Perhaps if it had been set in wartorn Iraq, we'd have something fresh. But Cappuccino is set in a very photogenic Switzerland.

Mysh Rozanov's Watch Over Me is, as far as I can tell, some cack-handed True Blood fan fiction for the big screen. It's pointless, and no, being set in Tel Aviv doesn't make a difference. Christopher Banks' Communication features a Jewish kid and a rich older guy, but doesn't really add up to much.

Much better is South Korea's Just Friends, a sunny little gem with two very appealing leads, and Canada's wordless Mirrors, which makes much of being beautiful and strange.

Joachim Back's The New Tenants is nuts - really, this is WTF?! territory - and Tomer Velkoff's The Traitor takes us into grim worst-case-scenario territory that'll have you thinking twice about breaking up with your beau.

The high point - and low point - is Christopher Radcliff and Lauren Wolkstein's dark, frightening The Strange Ones, which will leave your head spinning. Brilliant.

As usual, some real gems, but a word to Peccadillo: a little more non-white representation would be welcome.

I don't care what you think unless it is about me

2012-01-23T12:21:00.000Z

R E A L
B O Y S
narcissists & camera whores

Pictures from GuysWithiPhones, 9-22 January 2012.

"I don't care what you think unless it is about me."

Quotation; Kurt Cobain, American singer-songwriter, 1967–1994.

moreR E A L B O Y S

All art is a kind of confession, more or less oblique. All artists, if they are to survive, are forced, at last, to tell the whole story; to vomit the anguish up

2012-01-22T00:30:00.000Z

M A N N E Q U I N
M A N I A

exclusive

Sizzling shots of San Diego-based model Fahylando Jackson, beautifully lensed by David Sitron. Sitron was also the talented shutterbug responsible for 2009's ka-os|theory No.1 Sexiest Man.

Thanks to Sitron Studio for shots!

moreM A N N E Q U I N S

Unless otherwise stated, ka-os|theory does not claim credit for any of images featured on our site. The copyright of all images remains with their respectful owners. If you own rights to any of the featured images, and object to their appearance here, please contact us.

Visit us on Facebook.

"All art is a kind of confession, more or less oblique. All artists, if they are to survive, are forced, at last, to tell the whole story; to vomit the anguish up."

Quotation; James Baldwin, American author, 1924-1987.

Reasons to be alive

2012-01-20T17:27:00.000Z

"Empathy. Nothing is more enlightening or liberating than the ability to experience the world from another's perspective. Through their eyes, evil employers become struggling shipwreck survivors and difficult parents become scared children playing dress-up. With empathy we transform ourselves from the wounded to the healing - from the bewildered to the understanding - from the tiny hell of 'Poor Me' to a wide world of Us."

Rikki Beadle-Blair

About Rikki Beadle-Blair

Born and raised in South London before migrating

to the mean streets of Primrose Hill - dedicated

to a life of creativity & inspiration, truth & miracles.

Rikki is the ultimate romantic - in love with every one,

every thing and every breath of life.

Join Team Angelica...

On Facebook

On YouTube

On Twitter

Reasons To Be Alive is syndicated on ka-os|theory by kind permission of Rikki Beadle-Blair/Team Angelica.

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up

2012-01-19T00:03:00.000Z

M A N N E Q U I N
M A N I A

men, in pictures

22-year-old Spencer, from Atlanta.

moreM A N N E Q U I N S

Visit us on Facebook.

"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up."

Quotation; James Baldwin, American author, 1924-1987.

Tired old queen at the movies

2012-01-18T00:26:00.001Z

review

Key Largo

n Maxwell Anderson's hit stage play, Key Largo, John Huston directs an all star cast headed by Humphrey Bogart and Edward G. Robinson in a dark film noir set in the Florida Keys during a hurricane.

Rounding out the cast are Lauren Bacall in her last film with Bogie, Lionel Barrymore, Thomas Gomez and Claire Trevor in an Oscar winning role as Robinson's drunken moll. Shot in beautiful black & white with an atmospheric score by veteran Max Steiner and under Huston's typical fast paced and crisp direction, it's a suspense filled drama that's not to be missed.

Steve Hayes

(Syndication is with the kind permission of Steve Hayes.)

Steve Hayes' Tired Old Queen At The Movies on YouTube

Steve Hayes' Tired Old Queen At The Movies on Facebook

MORE reviews

#109

2012-01-17T23:17:00.000Z

a news compendium

with a gay bias
WEEKLY | Issue 109 | January 2012 | FREE | be.told.

OPENING SHOTS

|||| Gay and straight identities blurring, human rights campaigner Peter Tatchell claims, adding sexual identities will soon be a thing of the past...

|||| RuPaul rails against "tranny" taboo, implores activists, "Don't take life so seriously."

< The Sitting, an editorial by Matthew Pandolfe for Carbon Copy magazine.

US & CANADA NEWS

> This is 19-year-old Eric James Borges, who succumbed to suicide, just a month after posting an It Gets Better video in which he talked about gay bullying he endured, and an exorcism his parents performed on him in an attempt to turn him straight. Tragically, Eric had been an intern with the Trevor Project, which provides suicide prevention services to GBLT youth.

|||| Well this is a good use of police resources: Cops in Palm Beach have spent several years targeting gay men having sex in parks, entrapping over 600 using "disgusting" tactics. For what?

< Was Florida University student Robert Champion's violent hazing death down to his sexuality? His family thinks so. There's a CBS News video report here.

|||| Gay history lessons required by new California law slow to arrive.

> It Gets Better is too white, Pakistani-American claims.

< Republican Mitt Romney's gay equality flip-flop.

|||| The American Family Association declares victory over Home Depot, which it's been boycotting over due to the retailer's "conspicuous corporate presence at gay pride events".

|||| The problem of minor-on-minor sex abuse in America.

|||| Why is the US marriage rate falling sharply?

> Frank Sieple, the indefatigable AIDS activist, is dead. He was 51.

UK NEWS

< Muslim men accused of hate crime over anti-gay leaflet. "Five men go on trial over leaflet calling for gay people to face death penalty in first prosecution of its kind under new law."

|||| Christians claim God has punished pro-gay Tesco; the British-based retail giant has suffered its first drop in profits in 20 years, and "Christian Voice claims God intervened on supermarket’s share price in view of gay pride grant."

|||| Stonewall releases its annual Workplace Equality Index, listing the top 100 British employers for the GBLT community.

|||| NHS launches new "Pride in Practise" gay doctors initiative.

|||| Openly gay MP Chris Bryant says the House of Commons is like a gay bar.

|||| Prime Minister David Cameron forced to apologise for Tourette's slur.

EUROPE NEWS

|||| ITALY: Pope Benedict claims gay marriage "threatens future of humanity itself".

|||| So, about that secret plan to make half the world's population gay...

> RUSSIA: Gay activists arrested under "homosexual propaganda" law.

|||| LITHUANIA: Just 4% support gay civil partnerships, survey finds.

|||| SWEDEN: Compulsory sterilization to remain for people who go through gender reassignment surgery.

< TURKEY: New film inspired by the "honor killing" of Ahmet Yildiz aims to shed light on the barbaric practice. 26-year old Ahmet Yildiz was murdered by his father in 2008.

> Costa Concordia: Three killed as Italian cruise ship runs aground.

|||| Costa Concordia: "Have you seen Titanic? That's what it was like."

|||| Costa Concordia: More bodies found in capsized ship.

|||| Costa Concordia: In pictures. More images here.

|||| Captain arrested, investigated for manslaughter and abandoning ship.

|||| Costa Concordia: How could this happen to a modern ship?

LATIN AMERICA NEWS

|||| JAMAICA: Jamaica Observer applauds new Prime Minister Portia Simpson Miller's pro-gay stance. But it's a long, hard road ahead for the country's GBLT community, as one reader notes: "The crime of buggery will soon disappear from the statutes... But unfortunately, this will not stop savages from attacking gays, sometimes with police acquiescence... The real test is when we enact a hate crime statute that punishes anyone, including the clergy for advocating violence against gays."

< HAITI: Two years on, the island is slow to recover from earthquake; in pictures. Left, man sells used shoes in Port-au-Prince, 9th January 2012.

|||| MEXICO: No gay weddings in Cancun for now. "Mexican resort area had been marketed as destination for gay couples."

AFRICA NEWS

> CAMEROON: Four men arrested for being gay. One of the accused, Jean Claude Roger Mbede, is pictured here with activist Alice N'Kom.

|||| UGANDA: Frank Mugisha, executive director of Sexual Minorities Uganda, has receives death threats and fears for his life.

|||| SENEGAL: AIDS spreading unchecked in prisons.

|||| LIBERIA: Gay equality off the agenda.

< NIGERIA: "One day the poor will have nothing to eat but the rich", a protester's sign reads in Abuja, Nigeria. Take note, David Cameron.

ASIA-PACIFIC NEWS

> PHILIPPINES: Violent clashes in Manila as homes are demolished.

|||| AUSTRALIA: A petition - created by Catholic priest Father Paul Kelly - to abolish the "gay panic" defense is gaining momentum. Sign the petition.

|||| AUSTRALIA: Australian welcomes neo-Nazi music festival.

< NEW ZEALAND: The stricken cargo ship MV Rena has split in two off the coast of Mt Maunganui.

MIDDLE EAST NEWS

|||| ISRAEL: American Airlines names Tel Aviv the world's best gay city.

|||| Why the fall of Arab regimes could lead to increased homophobia. "There are fresh concerns that the fall of regimes across the Arab world could provoke a wave of anti-gay attacks, amid claims that 700 people have been killed in Iraq due to their sexuality since the end of Saddam Hussein's rule in 2003."

|||| SAUDI ARABIA: Fears for 30-year-old man arrested by religious police for using Facebook to date other men.

> IRAN: Human rights chief General Mohammad Javad Larijani brands homosexuality a "disease", says same-sex marriage is "immoral".

|||| IRAN: New hell of isolation of Iranian GBLT community as government plans to launch "national internet" and cut access to world wide web.

|||| Iran welcomes American rescue of Iranian fishermen.

BODY & MIND

|||| Processed meat linked to pancreatic cancer.

< One mistake away from a worldwide flu pandemic: Why we need to fix the holey biosafety net.

|||| Chinese tree extract found to stop rats getting drunk.

|||| Gay British men have serious body insecurities, apparently. Who'd have thought?

|||| Let's discuss Bottoming 101.

|||| Should prison inmates have the right to masturbate?

|||| Watch METH, a new documentary about gays'n'crystal meth.

THE NATURAL WORLD

> America's trees.

< Meet the "bootylicious Beyonce fly". (Bet it sounds just as irritating.)

|||| RSPCA targets GBLT community in Bred for looks, born to suffer campaign. Gay dog lovers have been urged to think before purchasing or adopting designer dogs.

> A tiny frog.

< Scenes from a seal cub orphanage. Altogether now: "Aaaaaaaaaaah..."

|||| Bath time at the sloth orphanage, and stunning footage of Common Cranes flying over Venice, from the BBC's Earthflight.

PRINT & VISUAL

> Here's more on Hidden in the Open: A Photographic Essay of 140-Years of Black Male Couples.

< The Last Chapter: A look at GBLT bookstores around the world. Not included in the story is The Arcane Bookshop in Perth, Western Australia, which is now closed, and which had a profound and genuinely life changing effect on your correspondent's life.

< Review: The Weary World Rejoices, by Steve Fellner. "His disconcerting work continues to challenge the expectation that contemporary gay poetry is dainty, polite and petite."

> Review: Next Extinct Mammal, by Ruben Quesada. "Reading the debut collection from Ruben Quesada, is like sifting through a box of small, rare gems."

|||| When Books Come To Life After Dark...

< The Timmelsjoch Experience Pass Museum, by architect Werner Tscholl, in the Swiss Alps.

> The Klein Bottle House, by architects McBride Charles Ryan, in Melbourne, Australia.

|||| Goldfish Salvation. Stunning.

CINEMA

|||| "What an ignorant arse." Gay film distributer Peccadillo Pictures delivers its verdict on British Prime Minister David Cameron, who wants British filmmakers to make mainstream commercial pictures.

< Andrew Ahn talks about Dol, a short film about "a gay Korean man who yearns for a family – which the director used to come out to his own parents". Trailer.

|||| Say Only Yes, the second installment of The Devotion Project, a short film series documenting GBLT couples and their love, is up now. Just lovely.

> More on Lost in Paradise, Vietnam's "first film to openly feature love and intimacy between gay men".

|||| Joe Manganiello on Magic Mike and being a sex symbol. "I spent my entire career in my 20s with nobody wanting me to take my shirt off. Seems like I turned 30 and everything kind of flip-flopped."

< Here's CSI hunk Adam Rodriguez (far left) in a shot from the film...

...But don't get too excited - no-one's going full frontal nude.

|||| James Bond villains blamed for nuclear's bad image.

|||| Kim Novak: "I want to report a rape. My body of work has been violated by The Artist."

|||| James Franco to play Robert Mapplethorpe biopic Mapplethorpe. The photographer died of AIDS in 1989.

|||| Watch trailers for The Broken Tower, a biopic (yeah, another one) about gay poet Hart Crane, starring James Franco (again), and Joshua Tree, 1951: A Portrait of James Dean. A very gay portrait...

|||| Watch A Hundred And Eleven, a film by undergraduate film student Hieu Tran.

TV

< Controversial sitcom Work It has been cancelled after just two episodes.

|||| Remember last year's Tracy Morgan controversy? Apparently it's time to look back on it all and laugh (unless you're one of the many gay teens who took their own lives as a consequence of the homphobic bullying Morgan thrives on).

> EastEnders' Moon boys strip off for Heat magazine.

|||| Review: Doctor Who - The Sensorites. "There is plenty to enjoy here. At six episodes it does outstay its welcome but there are at least three very good episodes here that are worth watching. For me, it is clearly the themes of the story which remain strong - fear of the unknown, xenophobia, mistrust between races."

MUSIC

< Craig David might have the face of a 60-year-old crystal meth addict, but from the neck down it's still going on!

|||| Elton John's writing a book about the AIDS crisis.

|||| Madonna really is as nasty and unpleasant as I suspected her to be, revealing a truly ugly persona on The Graham Norton Show. Yuk.

|||| KD Lang lesbian divorce shock!

> Justin Bieber on wanting to be as legendary as Michael Jackson, and how Jesus died on the cross for his sins. And shit.

|||| OMG! Could the Spice Girls reunite for the London 2012 Olympics?

THE SEX BIZ

|||| Los Angeles City Council votes for mandatory condom use for porn stars - within city limits.

|||| Out's horrible pictures of porn stars in bathing suits. And they are.

< Much nicer is this picture of Nicco Sky and Jake Andrews at the Cybersocket Awards. Yum!

> And MOC Blog has even more pictures from the awards.

|||| Meet the ten Hardest-Ridden Sluts In The Jizz Biz: "A champagne bottle. The entire Falcon roster. Francois Sagat's fist. A parking cone. New York. L.A. Erik Rhodes has smoked 'em all."

|||| So, about Chi Chi LaRue's latest, Daddy It Hurts...

|||| Canadian gay porn channel hardtv announces launch of gay porn entertainment show.

|||| 10 porn stars who should never get tattoos.

SPORT

< Footballer Lee Steele sacked for homophobic tweet. He wrote of openly gay rugby player Gareth Thomas - who is appeared in Celebrity Big Brother - "I wouldn't fancy the bed next to Gareth Thomas."

|||| Tennis Australia distances itself from gay hate merchant Margaret Court.

|||| United Arab Emirates gay equality campaigner says England cricketer Steven
Davies is "an inspiration".

PARTING SHOTS

> Chris "Leave Britney Alone" Crocker discusses his new look, gender, porn, Britney Spears, his documentary, Me At The Zoo, and more.

|||| Hard on a subway. Yum.

< Bus in distress.

|||| Things that I'm supposed to like that I don't like. Food for thought...

|||| Are you scientifically literate? (Your correspondent managed a dazzling 14 out of 50 - how did you do?)

|||| Doomsday Clock moves one minute closer to midnight.

|||| Sh*t Homophobic People Say!

|||| And finally, a gay Stormtrooper love story.

Issue 109: 7-14 January 2012

Read the last edition.

Remember what was going on this time a year ago? No? How about a reminder? Read Issue 83.

Visit us on Facebook.

ka-os|theory is not responsible for the content of external websites.

Reasons to be alive

2012-01-16T22:20:00.000Z

"Whether you unfurl like a bud in the earth or flower like a firework in the sky, if you can find a way to expand every morning and share your light and your hue; your own way to claim your place as one of nature's wonders, you will make your way from being a wandering rambler to becoming a destination, an aspiration, an ambition. Stop dreaming. Stop hoping. Become hope. Become the dream."

Rikki Beadle-Blair

About Rikki Beadle-Blair

Born and raised in South London before migrating

to the mean streets of Primrose Hill - dedicated

to a life of creativity & inspiration, truth & miracles.

Rikki is the ultimate romantic - in love with every one,

every thing and every breath of life.

Join Team Angelica...

On Facebook

On YouTube

On Twitter

Reasons To Be Alive is syndicated on ka-os|theory by kind permission of Rikki Beadle-Blair/Team Angelica.

Love takes off the masks we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within

2012-01-15T23:52:00.000Z

M A N N E Q U I N
M A N I A

men, in pictures

23-year-old Shaun, from Atlanta.

moreM A N N E Q U I N S

Visit us on Facebook.

"Love takes off the masks we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."

Quotation; James Baldwin, American author, 1924-1987.

Reasons to be alive

2012-01-14T00:01:00.000Z

"Life is change - whether that means progress is entirely up to you. Before you speak, eat or to commit to any action, develop the habit of asking yourself these quick questions: 'Is this healthy? Is this honest? Is this progress? Is this kind?' You are the sum total of your choices. Life is a accumulation of choices. Your decisions will become your destiny. Decide who you want to be."

Rikki Beadle-Blair

About Rikki Beadle-Blair

Born and raised in South London before migrating

to the mean streets of Primrose Hill - dedicated

to a life of creativity & inspiration, truth & miracles.

Rikki is the ultimate romantic - in love with every one,

every thing and every breath of life.

Join Team Angelica...

On Facebook

On YouTube

On Twitter

Reasons To Be Alive is syndicated on ka-os|theory by kind permission of Rikki Beadle-Blair/Team Angelica.

I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain

2012-01-13T21:29:00.000Z

M A N N E Q U I N
M A N I A

men, in pictures

20-year-old Jonathan, from New York.

moreM A N N E Q U I N S

Visit us on Facebook.

"I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain."

Quotation; James Baldwin, American author, 1924-1987.

Tired old queen at the movies

2012-01-12T21:30:00.000Z

review

Mogambo

lark Gable, Ava Gardner, Grace Kelly and a cast of thousands head for high African adventure in John Ford's Mogambo (1953).

Shot on location in Technicolor, it's the next best thing to an African safari with Ava and Grace, both in Oscar nominated roles, vying for the attentions of a love starved Gable. Ironically, this was a re-make of Red Dust, a picture Gable had made twenty years earlier with Jean Harlow and Mary Astor. Loaded with action, scenery and sex appeal, anyway you look at it, Mogambo is "Afri-colossal!" Happy New Year!

Steve Hayes

(Syndication is with the kind permission of Steve Hayes.)

Steve Hayes' Tired Old Queen At The Movies on YouTube

Steve Hayes' Tired Old Queen At The Movies on Facebook

MORE reviews

Reasons to be alive

2012-01-11T13:57:00.000Z

"There's always another chance. Another chance to make a change, to make new choices, to say sorry, to offer and accept love, to embrace responsibility, to understand, to create romance, to make amends, to escape, to break the chain, to see the truth, to tell the truth, to reassess, to rebuild, to be reborn. Give yourself a chance to live. Give the world a chance to be wonderful."

Rikki Beadle-Blair

About Rikki Beadle-Blair

Born and raised in South London before migrating

to the mean streets of Primrose Hill - dedicated

to a life of creativity & inspiration, truth & miracles.

Rikki is the ultimate romantic - in love with every one,

every thing and every breath of life.

Join Team Angelica...

On Facebook

On YouTube

On Twitter

Reasons To Be Alive is syndicated on ka-os|theory by kind permission of Rikki Beadle-Blair/Team Angelica.

It's a man's world, and you men can have it

2012-01-10T21:02:00.000Z

M A N N E Q U I N
M A N I A

special edition

The only reason worth going to a Kylie concert: the dancers.

Jessie Colter and Trey Turner, for Timoteo; and an unnamed model poses for Chokerz4men.

The photography of Jean Osipyan, for Coverboy Magazine, and Israel Scobar, by Janna de Francisco Tiago Farina.

Caio Cesar, by Du Borsatto.

Chris Moore, by Milan Vukmirovic; and two shots of Joao Humberto, by Shinji Nagabe.

Nikolay Dzhevakov.

Zakaria Khiare, by Theodor Synnestvedt; and Paolo Roldan, by Jacquie and Aline Tappia.

An unnamed model poses for Toot underwear.

Lucas Malvacini, for Revista Junior, and Pretty Faces, an editorial by Thomas Synnamon.

And it's the world famous Dreamboys!

moreM A N N E Q U I N S

This Mannequin Mania Special Edition covers 26 December 2011 - 8 January 2012.

ka-os|theory is not responsible for the content of external websites.

Unless otherwise stated, ka-os|theory does not claim credit for any of images featured on our site. The copyright of all images remains with their respectful owners. If you own rights to any of the featured images, and object to their appearance here, please contact us.

Visit us on Facebook.

"It's a man's world, and you men can have it."

Quotation; Katherine Anne Porter, American author, 1894 - 1980.

I don't care what you think unless it is about me

2012-01-09T23:32:00.000Z

R E A L
B O Y S
narcissists & camera whores

Pictures from GuysWithiPhones, 5 December 2011 - 8 January 2012.

"I don't care what you think unless it is about me."

Quotation; Kurt Cobain, American singer-songwriter, 1967–1994.

moreR E A L B O Y S

Reasons to be alive

2012-01-08T23:13:00.000Z

"To go to the next level requires leaving the level you're on. It's not a betrayal of the hallway to go into the living room. It's not a criticism of the garden to step into your home. Movement is life, Life is change. Progress takes courage, commitment, vision and the occasional heart-stopping dive into the dark. if your heart is calling you into the storm, don't stay in the cosy warm. Step out."

Rikki Beadle-Blair

About Rikki Beadle-Blair

Born and raised in South London before migrating

to the mean streets of Primrose Hill - dedicated

to a life of creativity & inspiration, truth & miracles.

Rikki is the ultimate romantic - in love with every one,

every thing and every breath of life.

Join Team Angelica...

On Facebook

On YouTube

On Twitter

Reasons To Be Alive is syndicated on ka-os|theory by kind permission of Rikki Beadle-Blair/Team Angelica.

#108

2012-01-07T13:41:00.001Z

a news compendium

with a gay bias
WEEKLY | Issue 108 | January 2012 | FREE | be.told.

OPENING SHOTS

< Alaz Brezhan lenses Derek Keeton for Fantasticsmag.

> Let's kick off with this beautiful shot of Air Force Airman Luis Peralta (left) reuniting with his boyfriend, U.S. Marine Peter Apiag, from the boys' Tumblr. Beautiful, sexy, inspiring.

US & CANADA NEWS

|||| In California, the New Year brings a raft of new laws protecting the GBLT community.

< A gay San Francisco couple have won a two year reprieve against deportation; Bradford Wells and Anthony John Makk have lived together for nearly 20 years in the Castro district, but the US immigration department want to deport Makk.

> Julius' - possibly New York's oldest gay bar - shuts its doors.

|||| Staten Island teen Christopher Orlando jailed for 60 days for his role in Stonewall Inn gay-bashing.

|||| Men can be rape victims too, America decides.

< The architectural firm behind New York's High Line has been chosen to redesign the gay landmark Fire Island Pines Pavilion.

> As if Dallas wasn't gay enough already.

UK NEWS

|||| Tesco denies rethink on backing for gay pride festival. "Supermarket chain says it is fully committed to sponsoring event despite claim from conservative Christian group."

|||| Tesco, LGBT Pride and the trap the gay media fall into. "Tesco's supposed withdrawal of sponsorship from Pride is a non-story peddled by fundamentalist networks."

< Gay mathematician hero Alan Turing honoured with stamp.

|||| MP Diane Abbott is "sorry" for her Twitter race slur. She wrote, "White people love playing 'divide & rule'".

> This woman and her boyfriend tortured and drowned a 15-year-old boy because they believed he was a witch. Welcome to London 2012.

EUROPE NEWS

|||| SPAIN: Country's first gay retirement home passes its first hurdle. "Madrid suburb cedes land for project as gay NGO plans home 'where no one will have to hide their sexuality."

|||| HUNGARY: Anti-gay constitution becomes law.

|||| BELARUS: Love is equal.

AFRICA NEWS

|||| NIGERIA: Islamists unleash wave of violence against Christians.

|||| SIERRA LEONE: A mob of around 1000 anti-gay protesters hit the streets of Freetown on Friday.

SOUTHERN ASIA NEWS

< INDIA: Monks gather to hear the Dalai Lama, 4th January 2012.

|||| INDIA: In New Delhi, gay artist Balbir Krishan has been the victim of a homophobic attack at an exhibition of his own work. The attack was captured on video.

MIDDLE EAST NEWS

|||| An open letter to the UAE on human rights abuses.

> How not to advertise your gym.

BODY & MIND

|||| Cognitive decline sets in as early as 45.

|||| Would you die earlier for the perfect bod?

|||| Why "manscaping" isn't just for porn stars anymore.

THE NATURAL WORLD

< NORWAY: A dog walks on a beach carpeted in hundreds of thousands of dead herring.

|||| Boffins discover underwater world of creatures thriving in temperatures of 400C.

WEB & GADGETS

|||| Google home page gets radical overhaul.

|||| Microsoft celebrates IE6 death.

> Tablet for two: The Brothers Mueller, twin maestros of the iPad, will make you see double. "They're the toast of New York media. And yes, boys, they're gay."

|||| Troubled Kodak prepares for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection filing.

PRINT & VISUAL

< Hidden in the Open: A photographic essay of Afro American male couples.

|||| Fuerte Men: Finally, a Hispanic LGBT magazine for the rest of us.

> Kevin Keller - Archie Comics' first gay character - married boyfriend Dr. Clay Walker this week. Lovely.

< So, Why Are Faggots So Afraid Of Faggots?: Flaming Challenges to Masculinity, Objectification, and the Desire to Conform. "If you are concerned - and you should be - about how our collective community is being subsumed by a dumb-downed, consumer-driven and utterly vanilla existence, you owe it to yourself to pick up a copy of this book."

> Talking to Brontez Purnell about love, compassion, and rock & roll.

|||| Review: The Marbled Swarm, by Dennis Cooper. "A carnivalesque switchback of secret passageways, incest, cannibalism and a haunting sense of isolation."

|||| Eve Arnold, the photojournalist, is dead. She was 99. In pictures.

STAGE

||| Naked Boys Singing! no more.

CINEMA

< Review: Silent Running. "It projects a strong, if simplistic, message mixed with a nostalgia for the period in which it was made and yet postulates a problematic hero."

|||| Why does Hollywood hate gay sex?

|||| Ian McKellen: Shakespeare enjoyed sex with men.

> Noel Clarke (Metrosexuality, Doctor Who) joins Star Trek 2 cast.

|||| How to Survive a Plague, a new documentary by filmmaker David France, is "the untold story of the efforts that turned AIDS into a mostly manageable condition... Their story stands as a powerful inspiration to future generations, a road map, and a call to arms... Without rejuvenated vigilance, transmission is on the rise – most remarkably, among young gay men who are ignorant of how AIDS activists beat back a plague, and along the way changed the world."

TV

|||| Controversial sitcom Work It is a ratings flop...

...Unlike the new Absolutely Fabulous specials, which were so successful the BBC now wants a full series.

< Kristy McNichol - star of 80s sitcom Empty Nest - has come out.

|||| Harry Connick Jr to guest star on Law & Order: SVU.

|||| EastEnders' Pat: Celebrities pay tribute.

> EastEnders' Pat: 10million watch much-loved character's passing on New Year's Day, and another 10million tuned in for the aftermath on Monday.

|||| EastEnders' Pat: St Clement "didn't want Pat to die", and "why it was time to leave".

|||| EastEnders' Pat: I've been watching Pat Butcher almost all my life.

|||| EastEnders' Pat: The funeral, in pictures.

< EastEnders: The Olympic Park is added to the titles.

> EastEnders: Meet newcomer Ray Dixon, played by former Footballers' Wives star Chucky Venn.

|||| MTV's True Life profiles gay chubby chasers.

|||| Here's a look at the new 10 part season of Spartacus: Vengeance.

THE SEX BIZ

< Brent Corrigan and Brent Everett reunite on New Year's Eve. More pictures at Brent Everett's blog.

|||| Sean Cody's three-way double-penetration breeding bareback bonanza!

|||| Should Sean Cody's decision to go bareback be met with a boycott?

|||| So, about raw desire, depicting bareback sex and calling out hypocrisy.

|||| Los Angeles "bareback ban" campaign launches.

> Is iconic 90s auteur Enrique Cruz about to make a comeback?

|||| Escort faces court for distributing gay fisting DVDs...

...and is acquitted in "a victory for sexual freedom".

SPORT

|||| Magic Johnson on 20 years living with HIV, homophobia in hip-hop and the fight against AIDS.

< Alabama Crimson Tide fans celebrate gay bashing in t-shirt planned for National Championship win.

PARTING SHOTS

> Own Mario Lopez's underwear!

|||| A small, beautiful tale of brotherly love.

|||| When eating out, make sure you start with a phone stack.

|||| On the menu: gay food, or straight food?

|||| Alcoholic soup!

|||| Eat your Christmas tree.

|||| And finally, imagine you're on the Tube with this boy. You'd smile, wouldn't ya?

Issue 108: 1-6 January 2012

Read the last edition.

Remember what was going on this time a year ago? No? How about a reminder? Read Issue 83.

Visit us on Facebook.

ka-os|theory is not responsible for the content of external websites.

Reasons to be alive

2012-01-06T12:58:00.000Z

Rikki Beadle-Blair

About Rikki Beadle-Blair

Born and raised in South London before migrating

to the mean streets of Primrose Hill - dedicated

to a life of creativity & inspiration, truth & miracles.

Rikki is the ultimate romantic - in love with every one,

every thing and every breath of life.

Join Team Angelica...

On Facebook

On YouTube

On Twitter

Reasons To Be Alive is syndicated on ka-os|theory by kind permission of Rikki Beadle-Blair/Team Angelica.

The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side

2012-01-05T15:15:00.000Z

M A N N E Q U I N
M A N I A

men, in pictures

19-year-old Abolade, from London.

moreM A N N E Q U I N S

"The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side."

Quotation; James Baldwin, American author, 1924-1987.

Reasons to be alive

2012-01-03T01:37:00.000Z

"So much music to make, so many steps to take, moves to explore, pictures to paint, stories to tell, parts to play, words to learn, words to say. Life is what we make it - and each day I learn more and more that we can make anything - ANYTHING we want. We are each the human miracle that leaves this universe and all we encounter in it changed. And that epic legacy is a reason to truly Live."

Rikki Beadle-Blair

About Rikki Beadle-Blair

Born and raised in South London before migrating

to the mean streets of Primrose Hill - dedicated

to a life of creativity & inspiration, truth & miracles.

Rikki is the ultimate romantic - in love with every one,

every thing and every breath of life.

Join Team Angelica...

On Facebook

On YouTube

On Twitter

Reasons To Be Alive is syndicated on ka-os|theory by kind permission of Rikki Beadle-Blair/Team Angelica.

Just wake up, kiss the good life goodbye...

2012-01-02T11:37:00.000Z

W H A T I S A W L A S T N I G H T

EastEnders, 01/01/12

've been watching Pat Butcher almost all my life, so I remember when she first appeared in Albert Square.

I was a small boy too young to be watching. Pat was a big, scary woman with too much make-up. Nasty, loud, and hard, an ex-prostitute whose sons hated her (they'd witnessed her "going at it" with the bedroom door open).

As time went by, I got older; Pat mellowed, and sex wasn't such a scary subject for me. The "bad woman" (as my old Mum used to call women like Pat) wasn't so bad after all, just damaged, and misunderstood. And gay boys love a bit of that, don't they?

Pat Butcher was a sinner; she sinned copiously, and was sinned against. She might have mellowed over the years, age transforming her into a disgraceful grandmother, but she was never too far away from too much vodka and someone else's husband. And her fashion sense was... intriguing.

It might seem silly to mourn the death of a fictional character, but Pat's always been there for me, over the past 25 years, a fallen woman struggling on against the odds, making the best of life, trying to keep the flag flying. The lipstick, the eyeshadow and, of course, the earrings all said one thing: "I'm still open for business, boys."

The cancer came suddenly, out of the blue, like it does in real life. It was too late for treatment, but not too late for one last drink in the Vic. New Year's Day's painful, drawn-out goodbye episode, in which friends, frienemies, and relatives visited a dying, bedridden Pat isn't the way I want to remember the old girl.

For me, Friday's episode was Pat's big send-off. Having been told that her cancer is imminently terminal, Pat is in the Queen Victoria for one last drink. Behind her, stepson Ricky is telling Bianca the bad news. In front of her, her old flame Patrick's dancing with Dot. The camera closes in on the stricken Pat, Tony Bennett's The Good Life drowning out everything else. "Please remember, I still want you, and in case you wonder why: Well just wake up, kiss the good life goodbye..."

It's moments like these that make EastEnders the best thing on television. We get a long, lingering close-up of her face, for well over thirty seconds before the theme music kicks in - an eternity in modern television - as life goes on around her. Pat knows she's going, but she still keeps up the front, gin and tonic in hand.

That's how I want to remember Pat Butcher.