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he secret world of arranged Papal sex trysts has been laid bare, with leaked video of a steamy Vatican meat market rocking the Holy City to its foundations.
In it, Pope Benedict XVI is presented with a quartet of athletic young men groomed especially for a life of servitude - on their knees.
An insider explained, "His Holiness has the privilege of first choice, and the lucky young man has the honour of serving his Holiness.
The leaked video shows the "chattel" demonstrating their flexibility - and stamina - before a fascinated Pope Benedict, whilst a pontification of priests wait impatiently for their turn. The young men discard their shirts, allowing the Cardinals to check for any sign of pubic hair.
The Vatican this afternoon issued a statement denouncing the allegations. "The so-called chattel are, in fact, electricians, called upon to change a blown bulb high in the Papal throne room. Even a cursory examination of the footage shows the electricians working as a team to reach up to the Papal light-fitting. They are, in any case, much too old for our tastes."
The team of electricians were today recording a double penetration scene for KristenBjorn.com, and so were unavailable to comment.
Tyson Beckford is 39, and still lives with his mother in Rochester, New York.
*This news item is fictitious.