Ladies and gentlemen, due to popular demand by certain segments of the gay community, this week is hereby ordained White Boy Week.
Why so, you might reasonably ask? What about the beautiful black men? Luscious Latinos? Achingly lovely Asians? Well, a couple of weeks ago your correspondent was subjected to some pretty damning accusations by a (anonymous, of course) commentator at Rod 2.0. Amongst the choice statements were, "It's all about race with you and many other gay white men... or should I said [sic] big black bodies and big black dicks."
It's fair to say that I enjoy "big bodies" and "big dicks" enormously, and I enjoy them in every flavour. My mistake for not realising, as an alleged (and it is intended so) gay white man (the horror!), that the black variety is Not For Me. (Although I'd have thought that was down to the person in command of said anatomy - not a self-righteous, self-appointed guardian of the black race.)
"It would be nice if you could let American black gay men occasionally discuss our issues without your fetishes and commentary," Miss Black Gay America 2010 goes on to say. Well, I'm sure it would be nice for her to wrap herself up in a closed shop with a No Whites Allowed! sign posted in the window. There's any number of blogs like that out there just for her.
Your correspondent isn't actually white (whatever that means). Strictly speaking I'm mixed race (or biracial, as the Americans like to say, albeit just slightly so). But let's not get hung up on trifling technicalities like that: fact is, I'm not black enough to so much as acknowledge non-white folk without also harbouring secret slave fetishes too. (Never mind the fact that as a kid, I was a refugee from a wartorn, occupied state - but hell, no one's more under the thumb and up against it than African-Americans - right?) He says that I should keep my nose out of black folk's secret bizness - and who knows, maybe he's right!
To that end, during White Boy Week, ka-os|theory will only celebrate sexy white boys (like our favourites Brent Everett and Matthew Rush... wait - he's only half white, right? Doh!), white people music (like that by our beloved Annie Lennox), and anything else that's just darned snowy white!
We're going to do just what the Rod 2.0 commentator wants and be all white - all right? That way, he can point at ka-os|theory and say: "I told you so - racist! Where's the diversity? Where's the inclusion?" You see, the black gay separatatists are only really happy when they can complain about being excluded and included.
Normal service - where the only qualifying factor for inclusion on ka-os|theory is being crazy, sexy or cool - will be resumed next week.
Title quote: "Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere." C.S. Lewis, British scholar and novelist 1898-1963.
Pictures: Chad White, lensed by Steven Klein for L'Uomo Vogue.